Since when am I a grownup?

(Merry) Moment of Joy

2010-12-24T08:23:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone! I guess you can tell that I haven't been around the blog-o-sphere lately, but I'm back with this adorable holiday greeting from friends with fins. Wishing you and yours a happy and healthy holiday season...

Moment of Joy

2010-11-09T21:41:00.002-05:00

I stumbled across this randomly today, and it made me smile. For that reason alone I think it's worth sharing with others. Be a happy bird! Find your french fry!

Now this is culture!

2010-11-04T05:59:00.000-04:00

I recently downloaded all of Shakespeare's sonnets from the Listening Library for free! So obviously I am revisiting my glory days of Shakespeare plays and Ms. Czekaj's class, thinking about the annual "I Love My Willy... Shakespeare" performance.

Who says grad students have no class?

Moment of Joy

2010-11-03T09:52:00.000-04:00

Wait a minute... it's November?!?! But... what happened to October? You see, this is what I get for ignoring the entire month of September and pretending it doesn't exists; suddenly the end of the year sneaks up on you.

Anyway, I thought I'd post a Moment of Joy from waaaaay back. Now that I think about it, this picture is 6 years old. Holy crow! How did I get so old?!?!

This is from a series of pictures I took during my first semester of my undergrad career, a bright eyed and bushy tailed freshman. I loved that lake on campus. I spent a lot of time walking or just sitting by it, watching the geese and red-winged black birds, the beaver or just the way the water rippled in the wind. It sounds overly poetic, but I just liked being very still and watching things by the lake.

So here is an autumnal photo from years ago. I bet if I were by that lake now, it'd look very much the same.

Overheard and out of context...

2010-11-02T22:34:00.001-04:00

From an evening out at a bar... with my professors...

"Are...you... ON A TRAIN?!?!"
"Oh, him? We just call him f*ck face..."
"Let's drunk dial criminologists."
"Sherman? Eck? Wiesburd? They're my b!tches."
"This is grad school. You get drunk, then go teach class. Trust me, now one will notice..."
"Happy birthday, @sshole."
"You want a lemon drop? Don't be a biznatch."
"Dude, some of the bitches here can out drink you."
"I'm not here to be equal to the patriarchy, I'm here to overthrow it... are you going to finish those nachos?"

And this isn't even the best of them... those are... well... better left unsaid.

Maybe my life doesn't suck as much as I thought...

Yeah, yeah, I know...

2010-10-14T09:26:00.001-04:00

Bad, grad student, bad! Where have all the posts gone? What happened to September? Where are all the snarky comments? What about my Moments of Joy? Where have you been?

Honestly? I hate September. It's nice in theory, summer fading into autumn, school bells and bright red apples. But in reality? It sucks. It's not summer, it's not fall, you are so not ready to get back into the swing of classes and papers and exams and the month kind of creeps by in limbo. It's not one thing, it's not the other, and now it's over.

Let's move on.

Besides ignoring the month of September I've been studying for the dreaded Qualifier (yes, it's so terrifying it gets capitalized), the exam that will make of break my career. Seriously. If I fail this exam (ok, ok, so if I fail it twice, but still!) I am no longer a doctoral student. I'd need to beg (yes, literally) to get back into the program. I don't think I could bear the shame of failing this test. I keep joking about throwing myself into the nearest river, but I think I might actually do it... then again, the nearest river is filled with industrial waste, so I'd probably jump in and be able to walk upon the crust that's formed over the top... where was I?

Oh yes, big test, not blogging because I am studying, need to pass.

Oh, and it's in 11 days. Not that I'm counting or anything...

Small, Fuzzy Buddha

2010-09-01T12:25:00.001-04:00

I'm not entirely sure what it is, but I admire it's zen. It's like a little monk, or a furry Buddha. I think he'd be a great family pet, or maybe more like a spiritual adviser. He just exudes inner peace...

Incidentally, the featured camelid at the end of this video is lovely. I'd love to knit a sweater from that fiber, but I feel like they'd object. Now if I made a sweater for them...

*UPDATE* Speaking of camelids... see that little guy at the end? The one who awkwardly face-plants into the ground? Yeah... that pretty much describes my first day back at grad school...

Moment of Joy

2010-08-24T22:15:00.001-04:00

For some reason this picture just tickled my fancy. It makes me smile for so many reasons!

My mom still will catch my bare feet and play piggies with me. And the picture itself... that little piggy nose! That impossibly tiny puppy! It's sweet with a touch of sarcasm.

I hardly know what I want more: a BLT or my own micro-piglet.

Can I live here?

2010-08-16T14:11:00.004-04:00

Anyone who's read this blog knows I am... reluctant at best to grow up. So the City of Isahaya is particularly alluring to me. I don't speak the language, have no friends or family there, and I'd have no where to live.

But look at this bus stop!

I mean how cute is this little strawberry hut? It's enough to make me admire public transportation. Even better? The city has a whole bunch of adorable fruit huts on bus routes all over the city. Check them out here to see all of the designs...

In a (word?)... SQUEE!

Fresh, fast and fantastic!

2010-08-13T15:10:00.002-04:00

Here's a great summer recipe for those hot nights when you don't want to spent a lot of time in the kitchen but want something fresh and seasonal. With the abundance of tomatoes and basil from Papa's garden, and my new incredible immersion blender with food processing attachment (Thanks, Aunt Squeak!), I have made this impromptu recipe several times this summer. From start to finish, I can have dinner on the table in under half an hour.

Simple Summer Sauce
14 oz Diced tomatoes, or about 5 or 6 tomatoes from the garden
1/2 Large carrot
3 cloves of garlic
2 small onion
Handful of fresh basil leaves
Olive oil

1 lb pasta
Salted water for boiling

First set a pot of cold, salted water to boil.When at a rolling boil, cook pasta according to directions.

Meanwhile, using a food processor, chop the onion, garlic and carrots until very fine. Heat some olive oil in a pan and quickly saute mixed vegetables. Chiffonade the basil and toss it into the pan. When the onions are a little translucent (5 minutes, tops) add the tomatoes, stir and cover. Allow to simmer until the pasta is ready. Once the pasta is drained, add to the sauce pan and toss until evenly covered.

Serve it up and enjoy!

Moment of Joy

2010-08-05T10:27:00.003-04:00

One thing I noticed while traveling the UK a few years ago was that, even though the majority of the homes and flats had little in the way of land so to speak, that was no deterrent to the pragmatic and determined Brits and Scots from growing a garden in everything from window boxes to planters to plots of ground no bigger than a lawn chair.

And best of all? Each was unique, perfect and absolutely gorgeous. A rather impressive feat in my mind, especially since I can barely keep my mint plant from committing suicide (more on that sad story to follow)...

This picture happens to be one of my all time favorites!

Crockpot Beef Stew

2010-08-01T08:46:00.001-04:00

Rabbit Rabbit!

My maternal grandfather, Papa, has always been an inspiration to me; my earliest memories of him are in the kitchen, tasting whatever he was cooking. There is no meal in the world more delectable than Papa's broccoli-rabe, beef stew and his own invention, potato pie. My offhanded, handful of this, handful of that cooking style is a direct result of watching him throw whatever is on hand into a pot and creating something spectacular.

My quest into graduate school is also inspired by him. When I was little I was slightly awed by him and how he can talk about any subject with authority. He tells the most incredible stories about his childhood, time in the Navy, career as a police officer and everything in between. When I was in college and studying the court system he'd lend be books on Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes and landmark Supreme Court decisions. His passion for learning and desire for me to get the best education possible is one of the main reasons I went to grad school.

Consider this improvised beef stew recipe as an ode to Papa and a learning experience!

Crockpot Beef Stew
1 pound of cubed beef stew meat (or more if desired)
4 large potatoes
4 cloves garlic, chopped or pressed
1 tbs paprika (I don't have it on hand and usually substitute with taco seasoning)
2 tbs soy sauce (or Worcestershire)
1 onion, chopped
1 1/2 cups beef broth (or whatever, bullion and water works, too)
1 cup wine (red or white, you pick)
2 carrots, cut into sticks (or chopped in a food processor to save you time)
1/3 cup brown sugar
1 cup homemade tomato sauce (or 4 chopped fresh tomatoes)
Grind to a Salt (have you noticed I love this stuff?)
Freshly ground black pepper
Some flour

Combine broth, wine, soy sauce, tomatoes, brown sugar, paprika, some seasoned salt and pepper in the slow cooker and set to high (4-6 hours cook time) or low (8-10 hours cook time) depending on when you want to eat.

Wash, peel and chop potatoes, carrots, onion and garlic. Throw them into the broth.

Take your stew meat and put it into a zip-lock bag. Sprinkle some flour over it and salt and pepper it a bit. Close the bag and give it a good shake to coat the meat (or, in the words of Weasel, "Shake it like a Polaroid picture!"). Throw this in the fridge for a few minutes while you drag out a frying pan and add just enough olive oil to coat the bottom on the pan and let the flame heat it up on high. Toss in the now coated meat and saute until nice and brown. It doesn't have to be cooked all the way, because you will now throw it into the slow cooker with all the rest to continue cooked. Make sure the pot is covered, and walk away (cocktails, anyone?).

Enjoy!

Note: The measurements in this recipe are arbitrary. I usually just pour, sprinkle, toss and add according to my whim, what I have in the fridge, and what kind of flavor I am looking for. The beauty of this method? I have a base recipe I can work with, and I also have the freedom to experiment!

Summer Salad

2010-07-30T11:30:00.002-04:00

There is something wonderful about a simple, chilled salad on a hot day. I have been tinkering around the kitchen and have, through reviewing some recipes and much invention on my part, created a great cucumber salad for picnics, barbecues or anytime you want a taste of summer.

The delicate taste of chilled cucumber is the prefect compliment to a little bite of onion and fresh ground pepper. And, because of the ingredients I ultimately chose, this is a completely fat free dish!

Summer Cucumber Salad
3 medium to large cucumbers
1/2 an onion, yellow or red will do
Splash of white vinegar (honestly, just splash it on there...)
1/4 cup fat free sour cream
1/2 cup Miracle Whip Free
Fresh ground pepper to taste (I like to go a little heavy handed here)
Simply Organic's Grind to a Salt to taste (again, I love this and add it to everything...)

Start by peeling the cucumbers and roughly chopping them into bite size pieces. Chop the onion very fine (my lovely new immersion blend with the food processor attachment makes quick work of this, so I recommend getting one). Put in all in a bowl and splash some white vinegar on there. Let it sit for half an hour. Go do something else. Have a cocktail...

After your cocktail- I mean the half hour- is finished, pour off the excess liquid and transfer all of your veggies into a colander or mesh strainer. Sit this on top of the bowl you just used, and let it continue to drain for at least a half hour, although I like to give it a little longer. Again, go have a cocktail.

Take the strainer off the bowl, pour out the excess liquid, and throw everything back in (if you've been having cocktails be careful here, or it'll end up on the counter...). Now add your pepper and Grind to a Salt, and you can use as little or as much as you want. As there is such a great quantity, the light, freshness of the cucumber is unlikely to be overwhelmed and will highlighted by the added spice. Add your fat free sour cream and Miracle Whip Free, mix, and throw into fridge to chill until needed. At least and hour, or more, whatever.

Congratulate yourself with a snack, or another cocktail, I don't judge.

Enjoy!

Note: The measurements for the sour cream and light mayo is variable. I typically don't even measure, just spoon it on there. Even the quantities of cucumbers and onion can be played with, but I recommend a ration of about 3:1/2 in order to keep the flavors fresh and not overly onion-y.

Project Hera: On Hold

2010-07-20T08:43:00.001-04:00

Darn, and just when I was really getting into it, too! I'm sorry to say that Project Hera has been postponed for at least a few weeks, but at least with good cause.

It turns out that Weasel needed the book more than I do. As we pack her and her spinning wheel off to college, she's really worried that she won't make friends, won't fit in, isn't attractive... all fears I can debunk in about half a second, but let's face it: hearing it and believing it are totally separate things.

As much as I want to just sit Weasel down and tell her that in college there are no popular kids, and the people who were losers in high school meet all the other losers from high school and suddenly no one is a loser anymore and you have friends who know and love you. Hey, I met Super Boy the first day of college, so anything is possible!

But Weasel needs to learn all of this for herself. And I want her to feel as confident and self-assured as possible, so my copy of Seven Days to Sex Appeal is now (temporarily) in her hands. What does she hope to gain from it? Well, that's her business, but I get the feeling that, like me sadly, she just needs a boost in her assertiveness, self-confidence and just become more aware of herself in general.

So go forth and learn Weasel, and who knows? Maybe you can teach me a thing or two!

Go, Grandpa, Go!

2010-07-14T08:21:00.006-04:00

The human spirit is an incredible thing. It survives and thrives through unimaginable horror, and yet in life you often see glimpses of triumph in tragedy. If you think I am getting a little melodramatic, take a look at this video.

That sweet old man dancing to Gloria Gaynor with his grown grand-kids survived the Holocaust, and not only did he survive, he had a family who, many years later, joined him in a trip across Europe to visit camps and memorials.

And they danced.

Some critics have called this video offensive and disrespectful to the memory of these places. I disagree. In fact, I think this is a heartfelt, beautiful tribute to the joy of life, the power of faith and love, and the unconquerable human spirit...

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed

my sackcloth and clothed me with joy..."

Psalms, 30:11

Project Hera: Day 2

2010-07-10T21:25:00.003-04:00

On today's agenda: walking and standing. And I have to say, I am not entirely sold on the lessons in Seven Days to Sex Appeal. Part of it is my own fault: the book aims to help women increase their sex appeal first, and their confidence second. These goals are often achieved by looking vulnerable, helpless, or very... available, for lack of a better word. I am trying to use this book to become more assertive and confident, so a lot of these tips and tricks are overly sexual for my needs.

But regardless, here's what I have learned. When it comes to walking, you have to swing your hips. Step with one foot, swing your hip to that side, and then lift your other heel. I think. I tried this a couple of times (in heels, be cause they really do make your butt look fantastic), but I felt awkward. And not just awkward because I was trying something new, but awkwardness because I felt that what I was doing was obvious. This wasn't just subtly upping sex appeal, this was blatant hey-look-at-me sexy.

Not workplace appropriate...

Stance and hand placement is just as important as being conscious of how you walk. For my purposes, maybe even more important. By putting all of the weight on one foot and resting just the ball of your other foot nest to it (with a little knee bend), you can then hold your hands behind you on the small of your back. This will automatically improve your posture, through your shoulders back and subtly raise your chest. Your hips are also push forward, minimizing the belly and rounding the bum. Nice and cute, attractive but not super sexy.The pose I like best is perfect for work, assertive but feminine. You again put all of your weight on one foot, but this time you place the second to the side, slightly past your shoulder. You do the same thing with the arms, but this look is more serious than cute.

You can also place a hand on your hip to emphasize the curves of your body, but hand placement is key. If you put your thumb on your hip and fan your fingers over your butt, this is a super-hot-come-and-get-me signal. Not something I plan on trying and time soon. But when you reverse it, thumb on butt, fingers curling over the hip, it's appealing but not vulnerable or delicate.

What did I take away from this chapter? High heels (especially comfy ones) make you feel confident and your butt look...well, perky. And the whole business of stance and hand placement is useful to remember. The caveat (as always)? There's a fine line between what you can pull off on a date and what's okay for work...

Moment of Joy

2010-07-06T17:38:00.001-04:00

Lacking the energy to tackle a Project Hera lesson I am simply offering the world a cute puppy today.

This is probably a better use of my time anyhow...

Project Hera: Day 1

2010-07-05T11:56:00.003-04:00

I have dubbed my experiment in assertiveness and gender signals "Project Hera." If haven't brushed up on your Greek mythology recently, Hera was the wife of Zeus, the king of the gods, and had a reputation for both beauty and her temper. Unlike Aphrodite, the beautiful but vapid goddess of love, Hera was both beautiful and strong willed. Case in point: she had a history of turning her husbands many mistresses into farm animals to prove a point.

Not there's a lady to admire...

Anyway, today's adventures in sex appeal and confidence focused on something I am already very conscious of and working hard to improve: my posture.

I slouched a lot as a kid because I was taller than most girls and I wanted to fit it, and now my bad habit, combined with a curvy figure, ends up making my look about 15 lbs heavier than I really am. So after reading the first chapter I put the lessons into practice... at the local Sam's Club.

Well, it could be worse...

What did I learn? Standing up straight, chin parallel to the floor with the pelvis forward (to make your bottom perky and tummy flat) is a lot harder than it sounds. I also felt very self conscious, as if curling my spine over myself makes me invisible somehow (hmmm... insightful, no?). It did, however, help me in some respects. Salespeople noticed me quicker than usual, and they were more willing to help me.

So today's results indicate that they way I carry myself might actually help to make favorable first impressions. It will take practice, however, until I am comfortable applying these techniques.

More adventures to come...

Note: there are also lessons in the first chapter on how different sitting positions can be sexy, assertive, feminines, etc... but it was way too complicated as far as I'm concerned. Maybe I'll revisit it later.

Because I am not sexy...

2010-07-02T10:24:00.001-04:00

I have a confession to make: I am not hot. I am not particularly thin, my face is not particularly beautiful, and I don't know what to do with hair and clothing. Yes, I do have clinically diagnosed body dysmorphic disorder, but regardless, I am still convinced that, although I am told I am pretty, I do not see myself in that way and I do not think I attract positive attention.

It also doesn't help that I have low self-esteem or confidence.

In an effort to make me feel better about myself, Super Boy recommended I buy this book, not so much as to be "sexier" but more assertive and confident in social situations, which, if you are a habitual reader, you know I am not.

So this is my seven day experiment: I will practice one of the lessons every few days and report my findings. If nothing else, this could be a fascinating read on the power of body language...

Moment of Joy

2010-06-29T13:27:00.001-04:00

I don't know how I feel about this new pop culture fashion trend, but the UK's Daily Mail had a whole spread on dog dyeing. Retrievers become tigers. Chows become pandas. Pomeranian become... smaller pandas.

Hope you enjoy, because I'm not sure if these pups do...

Don't mess with my magic...

2010-06-28T20:35:00.060-04:00

It's hard to believe but it's already been one month since Super Boy and I hopped on a plane and went to Disney. Everyone one who went, from (the now slightly more likable) Gavone to my sisters Lady Diva and Weasel, from my mom and dad to my cousin, Opossum, and Aunt Squeak, everyone still raves about how much fun it was, how incredible the adventures, and how soon we must return.

In fact, it was a frequent topic of discussion this weekend when we were all reassembled at my parents home for a family weekend celebrating Weasel's graduation. And in between looking at pictures (again and again) and reliving our glory days in the sun, we also had some rather philosophical discussions on propriety, manners, and what is appropriate when in public.

The conversation centered on the final day we spent in Disney, spent mostly in the Magic Kingdom. It was the appointed "Gay Day" at the park; LGBTQ individuals, family and groups had spent the week in the surrounding area outside the park and help events in Disney and elsewhere, a sort of meet and greet vacation. That day it was a trip to the Magic Kingdom they planned, and thousands of people in red shirts (the color of the day, I assume, there's no other explanation) poured off the monorail and into the park.

Other than the increased crowd, it usually wouldn't have bothered my family in the least. When you live in a family like mine, you tend to have a very relaxed "live and let live" mentality about these kinds of things. It would even be worth mentioning if it hadn't been for the shirts.

Those red shirts. Some of them have really cute saying on them, like "I believe in fairies!" But others were, if not offensive, then at least incredibly inappropriate in a children and family friendly environment. Some said things like "Fag" and "Hag," which would be difficult to explain to a child, but others were outright and blatantly sexual, like "Single: form line in rear" and "Big Bear Boy" (not explaining that one, look it up yourself).

Here's the issue: Your business is your business, but when you are out in public, especially at a place like Disney, which is specifically designed for children and families, you need to keep in mind what's appropriate for the situation. Night club? Wear the leather chaps. Disney? Stick to the glittery fairy wings and magic wands.

My biggest hang up about all this? I wish I had wings like that...

What you need to know about your physician assistant student...

2010-06-24T11:27:00.007-04:00

I'm fairly certain I've mentioned the Super Boy is studying to become a physician assistant but I never told you that he's a blogger, too. In fact, his blog on pre-physician assistant students has become quite popular in some circles!

While offering unique insights into the student experience, however, he has neglected to discuss what the experience is like for those around them, especially family and significant others. This, I feel, warrants some information,explanation and advice on my part, as I am very well aware how grueling this program can be...

You'll be alone even if you are sitting in the same room as your student. This might be the hardest part. A student can be so focused on their work for hours at a time, every night for weeks, until you might as well be in a room by yourself. You might also get more conversation by talking to yourself, too. I haven't found a good way to combat this feeling yet, but I think it's worth knowing about. The best advice I can offer on this point is to make sure our student sets aside some time for activities that you both enjoy and can participate in without thinking about your workloads. Quality time is scare, so use it wisely!

You'll be taken for granted, even if they don't mean to. I have seen Super Boy take a plate of dinner I'd spent hours making and start to tuck in without ever taking his eyes off of his computer screen and his radiology scans. He'll drop dirty scrubs and clothes and books all over the apartment I'd spent all day cleaning. And yeah, it makes me mad, but I know he doesn't mean to do it. His head is so full of pharmacology, H&P's, and anatomy that he's drained at the end of the day and blind to a lot of the little things that are happening in the background. Try not to take it too personally, but gently point these things out if they are really bothering you.

Be patient and supportive with your student, but don't hesitate to give them a swift and loving kick in the pants if they start to get snippy with you or too critical of themselves. It takes a lot of faith to wade through all the dysfunction, and you need to be there to act as a guinea pig for their physical exams, quiz-masters for flashcards and general cheerleader when their spirits get down. But it's just as important they you do not let them take their frustration and anxiety out on you, and it's counter productive to let them beat up on themselves. Be firm, positive, honest and assure them that everything will be okay.

The good times will be really good. I know I might sound like this is a miserable, heartbreaking program, and some days it can be, but when things are good they are really good. For instance, when Super Boy and I were in Disney World, we were so deliriously happy and spent every moment together. The fact that the week was sandwiched between very busy weeks made it all the more special. You can expect every day to be a fairy tale, but the fairy tales you do have are extra sweet!

I hope this gives some comfort and insight to those who love physician assistant students, and who knows? Maybe I'll get Super Boy to be a guest blogger and offer his side of the story...

Feminism and Common Sense

2010-06-23T11:35:00.002-04:00

Super Boy came home with an interesting story last night. During a lecture the presenter was drawing parallels between offering medical care to teenage boys and girls. Whereas a boy will give you barely audible one word answers, a teenage girl will not only tell you what hurts, but everything else that's happened in the last month!

This exaggeration provides a useful caricature; guys may say too little, and girls may say more than you need. And it was the effective use of generalization as a teaching tool that makes the comparison so resonant; I doubt anyone in the lecture will forget the examples given.

Not everyone, however, saw these generalizations in their intended light. One individual in particular took such offense that, after writing swear words all over her lecture notes, stormed out of the room an refused to return until the lecturer had left for the day. This whole show was done in the name of "feminism;" apparently, drawing a comparison between men and women was a slur against females in general, and was perceived as a great insult.

This is where I begin to question wisdom of letting beliefs grow so strong that they begin to cloud reason and common sense. I have strong beliefs, too. I think everybody does in some way. But I firmly believe that just because I feel a certain way about things that I have the right to rub anyone's nose in it. And that's what this girl did: she allowed her feelings about feminism overrule common manners such as paying attention in class and showing respect to professors. She even did herself a disservice in leaving a lecture and handicapping her education.

The moral I find in this story? Believe in what you think is right, be it regarding faith, politics or other hot topics. Stand up for your beliefs. But don't let them cloud your common sense.

Words of wisdom...

2010-06-22T23:03:00.003-04:00

As you go throughout life, remember that you'll have good days, you'll have bad days, and in the end things will probably be okay.

And some days you get the be the raptor, and others you're just the cheerleader...

Enjoy!

Moment of Joy

2010-06-21T08:56:00.001-04:00

Happy summer! On this beautiful official-first-day I can't help but look out of my windows at all of the sunshine and think about beaches, sunbathing, mini-vacations and doing nothing. The freedom and relaxation are certainly welcome!

To celebrate, here is a little video I stumbled across. I think it pretty much sums up my enthusiasm today!

Creation and Inspiration

2010-06-12T16:20:00.001-04:00

I am back from a incredible week in Disney World (posts to follow!) and I am now inspired to get active and make something. I am trying to keep criminology off the brain and unwind with other, more relaxing, pursuits. Namely, I have recently begun creating and "upcycling" (recycling, updating and improving existing pieces) jewelry pieces.

In addition to making a necklace and a locket for myself, I have just ordered beading supplies and metal findings to start creating original hat pins! This first line of products will be marketed on Esty at the Daughter Of the Roses shop and will be called "Itsy Bitsy Spyder," as it is my first and "elementary" attempt at creating art for sale!

Featured above is the logo that Super Boy created for me. I drew a sketch on a crumpled Post-It, and he turned it into art. Thank, hun!

Updates to follow as the supplies arrive and, of course, obligatory sales pitches...

War is not a game...

2010-05-27T16:03:00.002-04:00

Super Boy and I had an argument last night, over something many might consider petty. It was about video games, which Super Boy has been exposed to from a young age and enjoys playing in moderation. I, on the other hand, never owned a video game until this year when Super Boy and I bought a Wii, and I don't necessarily see what the allure is. To make matters worse, we don't see eye-to-eye on what games we want in our home, specifically one called "Call of Duty 3."

This video game puts the player in the middle of WWII, sending them on missions with weapons and comrades and enemies and lots and lots of blood. Unlike many anti-video game people, it's not the blood and violence of the video game I object to, but rather the subject matter: how can people profit off one of the bloodiest wars in human history? Why is WWII reduced to a video game?

And why are we as a society okay with this?

War is often treated as something remote and sterile in video games, making it more fantasy and fiction than a harsh reality. In addition to treating war as a game, society uses days set aside for remembering veterans and offering thanks as excuses for shopping. Memorial Day? Veteran's Day? They are now more about retail than remembering.

Think about it: would we treat 9/11 in this way? Would our culture look at these video games the same way if you could play the first-person role of a terrorist, or a passenger on Flight 93? Would we be okay if retail stores offer 9.11% off all patio furniture for three days only? If these suggestions offend you, good. They offend me, too. And the treatment of WWII or any war as a source of entertainment or commerce is no different. I think we need to get our priorities straight.

And, perhaps most important of all, you can't restart the game if you are killed in a real war, and nobody throws a sale in your honor.

Moment of Joy

2010-05-26T18:54:00.003-04:00

The day is near! It might seem silly or juvenile, but for my family Disney World truly is the happiest place on earth. And this Saturday we are on our way...

Super Boy and I are particularly excited to go; it's not just a vacation to us. It's not just pop culture and cartoon characters. It's more than just hanging by a pool or going on rides. To us, it's symbolic in a way, as ridiculous as it may seem. It's about our families, and happiness, and laughing. It's about silliness, pure joy, and leaving stress and worries behind, if only for a few days.

For us, Disney brings together all of the best things of life...

So while we pack, beg our friends for rides to and from the airport, and checking and double checking our flight status, we keep one things in mind: we're going to the happiest place on earth, and for a few days, all the world is right!

Not many days left...

An Esty Review!

2010-05-17T21:59:00.005-04:00

Spring is always a busy time of year in my family, with Mother's Day, my sister Weasel's birthday, my birthday and Father's day all falling within weeks of each other. And, of course, I end up buying many presents, mostly online as I am a graduate student short on time and money.

This does not mean, however, that I cut corners of gift giving! I have found Esty, the handmade and vintage community offering all kinds of fantastic goods and supplies imaginable. With a wide range of prices and an unlimited selection of beautiful things, picking out gifts has become a dangerous task: I often buy more for myself and others than I originally intend.

My first Esty purchase was from Little Bird Design UK, a fantastic Edinburgh based Esty shop that specializes in beautiful paper goods. These pictures are just a small glimpse of journal I gave my mother on Mother's Day and the photos hardly do it justice.

The variety of journals at Little Bird Design UK is astonishing. In all kinds of patterns and prints, from sedate to extravagant, and in all kinds of textures and styles. The attention to detail, from paper selection of the fine hand stitching on the binding, is the mark of a true artist.

There is even, I kid you not, a journal shaped like a cupcake. Heavenly!

For anyone searching for a unique and truly personal gift, I highly recommend the products of Little Bird Design UK.

In fact, forget about gifts... once you see these works of art you'll want one for yourself!

See for yourself here, the Esty home of these delights!

Moment of Joy

2010-05-13T15:29:00.002-04:00

Bonus post of the day!

I know I've already offered a critique of the jury selection process for today, but I'm a nice person and wanted to share this video, too. In a belated tribute to Mother's Day and moms everywhere, I give you the Adventures of Baby Cats and Mom Cat.

This video actually reminds me of my mom. Whenever I end up sliding and and need help getting back on my own paws, my mom is always there to lift me by the scruff of the neck and lovingly carry me back to safety.

Or something to that effect...

So here's to you mom, with much love and many meows.

Serving the State: the perils of jury duty

2010-05-13T12:20:00.006-04:00

I often joke about how I am not ready to be a grown up and I'd much rather hide under my bed all day. I am without a doubt 5 years-old at heart, and I'd like nothing more the spend the first few days of summer vacation in my pajamas eating ice pops and watching Disney movies. Unfortunately, in the eyes of the state at least, I am most definitely a grown up and therefore I am required to serve the state in the most irritating and mind numbingly boring ways possible.

I am now eligible to sit as a juror.

In an incredible stroke of irony, I was called to serve on a jury today, just days after I finished my last exam.The little form came in the mail, and, under penalty of being held in contempt of court, I went to the county courthouse this morning and settled in for a long, boring day. Summer break would just have to be put on hold. Armed with snacks and a few novels, I watched the criminal justice system unfold in front of me, and boy is it ugly.

To add insult to injury it's a beautiful, cool spring day out after nearly a week of unseasonably low temperatures and constant drizzle. But there I was, doing my civic duty by sitting in this converted block of jail cells turned conference room with a very varied slice of humanity slouching in office chairs. Even worse was the educational film "We the Jury: the basics of court proceedings" that we were forced to watch.

Believe it or not, I'm pretty sure I covered how a jury works at some point during my 5 years of study in criminal justice and criminology.

Of course I know that a jury is an important part of the court process and that the system could not function without citizens serving on juries in both criminal and civil cases. I am, however, not sure I'm the best person for the job. After so much exposure to the criminal justice system through classes, studies and internships I am in now way impartial and unbiased. I've written papers on the ineffectiveness of courts. I've interned with the state police. I've blatantly said that, 9 times out of 10, I'll probably take the side of the state in any criminal proceeding (and I really feel, at least sometimes, that defendants are probably guilty of something if they are there in the first place). I'm getting my doctorate in criminal justice for crying out loud!

I know too much about the field. I am a prosecutor's dream and a defense attorney's worst nightmare. I'd make a terrible juror.

Lucky for me (and those involved in any of the three cases I could have been selected for), the judges presiding today were not ready to pool a jury, so I was freed from the possibility of sitting through voir dire (jury selection procession) and will not have to serve on an actual jury and sit through a trial. I was released with the thanks of the state, and I practically sprinted out of there.

After all, doesn't it make you feel all warm and fuzzy knowing that your time is worth $5 and a free cup of coffee?

What I've learned in grad school... so far

2010-05-11T20:49:00.006-04:00

Summer has officially begun! Break out the margaritas, stuff the criminology books under the bed and let's head to the beach!

In all seriousness, it's been a long year, but I can honestly say that I have finished my first year of grad school and I did it well. I have, of course, learned a great deal about criminological theory, policing and statistics. But the greatest lessons I have learned have very little to do with academic.

So without further ado, the top three things I've learned in grad school:

3. When in doubt be vague. Didn't read that article? Didn't understand that last stats problem? Have no idea what your professor is asking you? Be vague. Start with "Well, there are several theories regarding that..." and end with "... but of course, there are different ways to see this." And if all else fails, smile blandly and say that you were wondering about that too, and what did the professor think about that? It just wasn't clear...

2. You can stand a lot more than you realize. From filthy roommates to 10 page papers weekly, you can get through a lot more dysfunction that you think. It takes planning, it takes patience, and it takes a whole lot of reminding yourself that everything works out in the end. This mantra, "everything will be okay," has kept me sane. And in the end, you actually get a lot more work done when you keep your eye on the big picture.

1. By far the most important thing I've learned in grad school... when it's done it's done. Like reminding yourself that everything works out in the end, letting go of perfection and instead focusing on getting things just done and done well enough is freeing. It's not about doing a job half way or not caring about assignments. Instead, it encourages getting things done, and done well, without going overboard and driving yourself nuts. And sometimes it's better to just finish a project than slave over it and worry.

It's been a long, stressful, busy year and I've busted my butt to get everything in order. But the greatest lesson of all is to trust in yourself, and trust in the higher powers in the world to get you through.

Please excuse our mess...

2010-05-10T07:18:00.003-04:00

In honor of my last exam of the year I have decided to start a project to keep me busy over the summer. Namely, I'll be personalizing this blog and designing layouts and such that reflect me rather than the generic blogger option. So in the meantime please ignore any strange texts, oddly placed photos or icky html codes...

I'm working on it...

Moment of Joy

2010-05-04T09:01:00.000-04:00

So I am in the middle of my finals, and in less than a week I will have completed my first year as criminal justice doctoral student. If I ever needed a pick me up, it's now... so in honor of the last statistic exam I will ever (hopefully) have to take, I give you a silly video.

Enjoy!

The Shoe Review!

2010-04-29T10:17:00.002-04:00

So in preparation for Disney I have gone a little crazy with my shopping habit. First I needed a new top... the I realized I don't have any shorts... then I saw this cute sundress... and then, one morning at 4 a.m., I decided to buy these shoes.

For my family, shoes for Disney are as important as the boarding passes for our flights. We live by a tried and true Disney motto: this is an investment in fun. We are nonstop, all out, early mornings, late nights, all over the place kind of vacationers. And when you are on the go all the time, you better have comfy shoes. When you go to Disney you can walk miles a day without realizing it, but if your shoes aren't comfy you will be miserable every step of the way. So as far as I'm concerned, it's worth the money to buy a good pair of shoes that can handle loads of walking, standing, and manhandling through airport security and still look good on the other side.

After some deliberation and lots of research, I choose this pair of Crocs Malindi in oyster. Unlike the Crocs you usually see, these are not hideously ugly but actually pretty cute; they look like a ballet flat with a thicker sole, and once you wear them for a while you forget about them. Your body heat molds the shoe material to your foot, making it a custom fit as your feet swell over the course of the day. And while your feet may sweat in these (my only complaint) the material is anti-microbial, so no smell at all. In fact, they are so easy to pull on and off you can rinse them in cold water, throw them back on and keep going in seconds. And if they get dirty? Soap an water and they'll look like you just pulled them out of the box.

And I also love Zappos. Free shipping both ways, great customer service, great prices, and quick deliveries? Sign me up for all of my online shoe shopping needs!

Considering how your feet can swell on airplanes, in the heat, or with extended standing, the flexibility and cushioning of these shoes is a great plus. In fact, I am so in love with these shoes I recommended them to my cousin Opossum who will be joining us, yes, in Disney!

I highly recommend these flats for $30. They are cute, comfy, and perfect for traveling and lots of walking. You can see a Zappos review video here.

I LIKE:

Malindi by
Crocs

It's a small world...

2010-04-28T13:34:00.005-04:00

It's official... I'm going to Disney World! My family's group of twelve members of my family, including Super Boy, will be going for a week of fun, relaxation, good food and adventure. It's an absolute dream come true for me I've loved Disney World ever since I first went as a two-year old, and nothing has changed in the 21 years since then. For the first installment of get-ready-for-vacation videos, our hotel... the Polynesian!

BBQ Time!

2010-04-18T11:57:00.000-04:00

Gorgeous weather like we've been having in my neck of the woods always makes me think about sunny days at the beach, the small of sunscreen and sand, and, of course, Okie's. I have spent at least part of every summer on Long Beach Island in New Jersey, home of great surf, great memories, and a great deli.

Okie's Butcher Shop not only has the best burgers and hot dogs on the island (or anywhere, as far as I'm concerned) but they also have the best potato salad. I introduced Super Boy to Okie's a few years ago and he's just as hooked as I am. And let's face it, it's just about impossible not to love red skinned potato salad that amazing. So In honor of springtime and the beginning of beach season, I present my very own potato salad recipe, created through trial and error in hopes of capturing Okie's flavor. It may not be Okie's, but I think it's pretty darn good!

If you try the recipe, please leave me a message in the comment's section. I'd love to get some feed back.

Oh, and yes, that is a giant wooden cow on their roof.

Surf City Potato Salad
3 lbs red skinned potatoes
Kosher salt (to salt boiling water)
1 cup Miracle Whip Free
2 tablespoons of spicy brown mustard
Freshly ground black pepper (give it a good 5 or 6 turns)
Simply Organic's "grind to a salt" seasoning blend* (another 5 or 6 turns)
1 stick celery chopped fine
1 small yellow onion chopped fine

Scrub your potatoes and place them in a pot. Cover with water, add Kosher salt and bring to a boil. Once boiling, lower to a simmer and let sit for 15 minutes. Drain them into a colander, place colander over the pot and cover with a dishtowel. Let them steam like this for another 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, combine Miracle Whip, mustard, pepper and salt seasoning blend t a large bowl and mix until well combined. Toss in your chopped celery and onion at this point, and stir until everything is nice and covered.

When your potatoes are done steaming and are cool enough for you to handle, cut them into halves or quarters, depending on size, and toss them into your big bowl of dressing. Leave the skins on! Stir everything together until it's all combined and covered. Now place in the fridge and allow it to sit for a few hours until completely cold. This will allow the flavors to fully combine.

Enjoy!

Notes: I use Miracle Whip Free just to cut down on the calories, but feel free to use your favorite mayo or mayo substitute. You can also vary your potatoes depending on what you have available or your preference.

* available at food stores like Whole Foods, etc. I use it in everything!

Spring has Sprung!

2010-04-17T08:46:00.001-04:00

Spring is finally, finally here to stay in the Northeast! I can't be happier! So in celebration of my favorite season of all, I'll be posting a series of springtime and warm weather videos, articles and recipes. Also stay tuned for some fun DIY projects inspired by some very talented people around the blogosphere!

For today's Moment of Joy, check out this "bird house." I'm actually pretty jealous :)

Love is in the Air

2010-01-31T08:58:00.001-05:00

This week Super Boy and I will be together three years. And in a little more than two, we'll be getting married. I've done a bit more wedding research this weekend and I've come to the conclusion that weddings, like any family function, are political drama fests disguised as parties. Who gets to be a bridesmaid? Do I have to have Lady Diva (middle sister)? Do I have to invite Gavone (Diva's obnoxious boyfriend)? Can my cousins be his groomsmen? Can I put all the people I don't like at a table in the back?I know I'm going to have to give in a lot to keep the peace, and sometimes I'll have to grin and bear it when I'd really rather be screaming.

On the bright side, my mom and Weasel (youngest sister) are both very involved in the planning. So much so that I sometimes get phone calls from them telling me what they have decided my wedding will be like. So far velour tracksuits are the worst suggestion (I hope they were kidding) and a two week honeymoon to Disney World the best (although it looks my entire family will be joining Super Boy and I...).

What have I learned in the end? It's going to be a busy two years, and patience will be a virtue I must nurture. I'm sure I'll laugh about this in years to come...

PS- I designed the image above as a potential "wedding logo" for Super Boy and I. It was the first time I've used photoshop in years and I really am just proud on myself! Consider it this week's Moment of Joy!

What is Criminological Theory and Why Does it Matter?

2010-01-23T10:16:00.000-05:00

So the semester has started up again, and so has all the nonsense. Toad is being Toad, bragging about a "grant" that isn't all that much to brag about, because I doubt the existence any such thing. And, of course, professors are being professors, adding "last minute" books that we need for yesterday ( and are hundreds of dollars to boot) and handing out syllabi that make no sense (there are only 14 weeks in a semester). So the typically stress has started up again, and the petty annoyances are just that: petty and annoying. In the end, I'll laugh, I'll cry, I'll freak out and I'll work my butt off. And I'll be fine after all.

Obviously, grad school is very different from college, and a PhD program is going to be different from a master's program. But in the end, the subject matter is the same: criminal justice is the study of crime and practitioners in the field, and criminology is the study of the causes of crime. This is an oversimplification; the real definition is amorphous and intricate and there is no one right answer, making it a bit difficult to explain to the layman (or just wrap your head around in general). I have this problem with my family and friends quite often, particularly my grandmother. She is thrilled to have a grandduaghter working towards a PhD, thrilled beyond belief. But she has no real understanding of the material, just a general sense of what I might be working on at any given time. And that is perfectly normal.

So why does theory matter? If it's so hard to pin point and there are so many conflicting views, then why bother? Well, in order to try and change crime, you need to know what causes it. For instance, let's say there is a burning building. You could just throw water on it and be done. But that might be a temporary fix; what caused the building to light on fire in the first place? What is the root cause? By identifying the cause of the fire, you know whether you have to shut of the gas lines, find an arsonist, or take that pack of matches from the toddler. You see? In order to fix a problem, you need to identify what's causing the problem.

If you think crime is caused by biological factors, then identifying a "crime gene" or medicating offenders will fix crime. If you think it is a matter of social inequalities an upheaval, then social programs and community involvement will stop crime. And if you think that crime is a function of the ruling class's oppression of the under class, then the redistribution of wealth and power within society is the answer. These are by no means the only theories out there, but I think it illustrates the point. If you want to change something, you need to know what needs to be fixed first.

If you are looking for books on criminological theory, I have two to recommend. The first is Cullen and Agnew's Criminological Theory: past to present. Unlike other tests that just summaries theories, this work offers the original articles that have become landmarks in the study of criminology. There is also a very handy grid in the first few The second is my personal favorite, Lilly, Cullen and Ball's Criminological Theory: Context and Consequence. Again, unlike other textbooks this work offers not just the theories, but the social, economic, political and cultural climate and changes that prompted new theories to develop. There are also discussions on whether these theories worked, and the long lasting effects of programs implemented on these recommendations. I personally felt that the chronological structure of this book, complete with the historical subtexts, gave me a greater understanding of where the theories came from and what they were a reaction to.

Theory may not be my favorite facet of my studies, but it's an important one. In order to understand where you are going, yo need to know what came before you. Happy theorizing!

Moment of Joy

2010-01-17T10:33:00.000-05:00

I don't often have a lot of time to get creative, but when the mood strikes me I tend to craft at the speed of lightning. One afternoon, three projects. And I must say the process, from planning to finished product, is such a joy to me.

This is my second vintage mixed media collage, which I jokingly call my "Postcard from Africa." Ironically, the day after I made this collage Super Boy and I made a day trip to the Philadelphia Zoo for an end of the holiday adventure (I get really depressed when school starts, so this was a real pick me up!). And what do we see running through an enclosure? Yup, the bird you see above. They are even more beautiful in person!

Also... happy birthday, Super Boy! I love you, endlessly...

Moment of Joy

2010-01-15T15:24:00.001-05:00

My most recent attempt at "art." The Borders in town is going out of business (tear) and I picked up a vintage collage kit for a song. And here is my first endeavor with my new supplies. Roses and cheeky little birds. Two of my favorite things in the world. I can't help but smile!

Best "Frenemies"... the Story of Toad

2010-01-15T12:50:00.001-05:00

I think It's about time I introduced you to Toad. Looking back at my first semester a grad student, I have to say that all of the students in the criminal justice department are really unpretentious and down to earth. Everyone seems ready to talk to you, offer bits of advice, give you encouragement and repeat the mantra I've come to internalize: "You'll worry and you'll work hard, but in the end it's really not that bad."

Everyone is, if a bit reserved and private at first, really quite friendly. That it, everyone but Toad. Imagine, if you will, that stereotypical student of the White Tower, all theory and name dropping and high and mighty opinions. That's Toad, very full of himself and very quick to toot his own horn. He is best described, I suppose as a "frenemy," someone who you are polite and friendly to but secretly hate their guts. He is never outright rude or condescending to anyone, but everything about his manner, and every word that comes out of his mouth, says otherwise.For instance, he recently got a 97/100 on a presentation (during which he stopped every three seconds to refer to some professor's assistance or flatter himself with false modesty) . He turns to me and says, "Oh, well, you know. Not too bad. I don't think there'll be any grades higher. No such thing as perfection." He says all of this, of course, just as I am about to get up an present. So, no pressure or anything.

I like to think I handled this very well. I nodded and made some kind of noncommittal noise in response. I then got up, gave me presentation (which I practiced with Super boy easily 10 times) and, lo and behold!, I am handed my rubric with a large 100/100 written on it with several glowing comments. Being the bigger person, I put the paper in my purse and didn't say anything about it to anyone, but in my head I was whooping with joy.

This is just one example of his behavior. Apparently, I am not the only one to notice or be annoyed by this constant barage of offhanded compliments/insults. Others have approached me with similar gripes; in fact, one of these conversations lead to Toad's epithet. A few fellow disgruntled grad students, all fed up with his references to "Dr. So-and So" and "special projects" and "independent research," tried to analyze the root of this behavior. One student put it brilliantly, referring to a species of toad in his native country; this toad, rather puny and insignificant, will puff itself up and hiss when it feel threatened by another frog and predator. Following this line of thought, Toad then resorts to rattling off achievements and acquaintances and projects on order to make himself feel bigger than he really is and superior to the rest of us. This is very likely the truth of the matter; while no one else is so vulgar as to list our distinctions, Toad is in a cohort of scholars that have Phi Kappa Phi memberships, Phi Beta Kappa distinctions, teaching assistantships, scholarships and advanced degrees. Maybe he is inflating his ego to keep up.

I, however, have some worries. Despite knowing the likely reasons for his behavior (insecurity) I still wonder if he is in fact better than me. Do the professors really buy his brown-nosing? Do they see through his flattery, or are they taken in by it? Is he ahead of the game by befriending so many professors and committing himself to so many projects, or is he spreading himself thin to no avail? Will his plan to schmooze every he can really get him ahead?

I don't know. I'd like to think I can compete with him. I have awards. And memberships. And, out of the entire cohort, the department practically begged me to join this program. I was the chosen one. I was the first in their eyes. And yet... I never tell anyone this. I don't make this sort of information public to my peers. The rest of us are honest in our fears, share our concerns, open in our weaknesses. But Toad never shows weakness. He makes himself bigger than the rest of us and, while I know it's a ruse, I'm still intimidated.

I just wish I knew why, and how I could make it stop.

Moment of Joy

2010-01-14T09:19:00.000-05:00

To follow up with yesterday's video, here is another classic from the Muppets. I love Beaker. He actually reminds me a little of my dad, who happens to be a chemical engineer (but he has better luck than Beaker and Professor Honeydew).

I think I'll be walking down the aisle to this...

Moment of Joy

2010-01-13T22:49:00.000-05:00

Now this is quality entertainment! Brought to you by the Muppet's, an epic Moment of Joy! The perfect pick-me-up!

It can only get better from here...

2010-01-11T15:14:00.000-05:00

So the year is off to a really rough start. There have been tensions between family members already, and we have already faced very sad events. For my part, I feel like hiding under my bed most days and pretending the world doesn't exist. The rest of the time I am pretty useless, dazedly walking around the apartment at a loss of what to do.

Much of my black mood springs from fear. Fear for the health and safety of my family. Fear for my own ability to cope with reality. Fear of future. And, probably most pressing at this particular moment, the fear or returning to grad school and criminology. I am not ready to return to the sniping and self-praise of some of my classmates, nor do I feel able to compete with the rest and succeed in my classes. The thought of returning there fills me with dread, and no amount of traveling back and forth between school and my home will make it any better.

To make matters worse the holidays are over, which at once astounds me and depressed me. I love the Christmas season; it's my favorite time of year, and for it to be ending makes the rest of the years stretch out before as one desolate and bleak expanse.

My rock through all of this has been, of course, Super Boy. He is currently slogging through his first day back at school, and his absence is palpable. This entire break he has been at my side, encouraging me, comforting me, caring for me. I cannot function without him. He has been my strength for a long time; when he asked me to marry him, he began by acknowledging that there would be tough times in our future, be they grad school or other obstacles. But not matter what we'd face, we'd face it together and be there for each other through the good, bad or indifferent. He promised me his strength and his support, his care and his constancy. And that, I think, is the foundation of love.

I am very blessed to have him in my life. As for the rest, I have to have faith and hope in brighter things to come.

Moment of Joy

2010-01-07T10:34:00.000-05:00

Now this is an oldie! Taken during a trip to the New York Botanical Gardens a few years ago, this miniature orange tree really caught my eye. Not only do those dew-kissed fruit look scrumptious (and boy, do they) there was something refreshing about them. Just the sight of them makes me feel clean and newly washed in sunshine and sweetness.

But I wax poetic. This picture reminds me of a my mom, dad and Super Boy, the freshness of all things green and growing, and God's promise to make all things new.

An uplifting and comforting thought, no?

Soothe the heart through the stomach...

2010-01-06T11:48:00.005-05:00

So I recently experienced the loss of a very, very beloved pet and I can't handle it. I am in denial, I'm angry, and I'm absolutely shattered.

That said, I am trying very hard to keep myself busy and not dwell on sad things. One way I've tried to do keep myself going is cooking. I have always found cooking to be extremely enjoyable; I love the freedom and creativity of the process, especially when the results are good. So yesterday I endeavored to invent my own stir fry recipe from the things I had on hand and whatever I could pick up at the grocery store with minimal expense and ease.

The result is below, my very own Ginger Beef and Peanut Stir Fry. While the vegetables and meats can be varied at will, the sauce if what really brings the whole dish together. Super Boy and I really enjoyed making it together and, of course, devouring nearly the entire pan.

It may not make everything better, but I'd like to think that, in a small way, the heart can be soothed through the stomach. Prayer and faith can help, but love (in any form) is truly the strongest bond of all.

Ginger Beef and Peanut Stir Fry
¾ lb. lean beef, thinly cut (leftovers work well)
1 tbs grated ginger
2 tbs peanut butter
2 tbs soy sauce
1 tbs brown sugar, not packed
2 tbs olive oil (For sautéing)
2 carrots, chopped into sticks
1 zucchini, chopped into sticks
1 small onion, cut into large pieces
1 bell pepper, sliced into ribbons
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 can (small) beef/chicken/ vegetable broth
Dash pepper (go a little heavier if you like it)
8 oz. angel hair, cooked
Chopped peanuts, for garnish
Directions

In a bowl, combine the broth, soy sauce, peanut butter, ginger, sugar and pepper until smooth; set aside
In a large skillet or wok, stir-fry the beef, onion, carrots, zucchini, peppers, and garlic in oil for about 8 minutes or until meat is no longer pink. If using leftovers, add the already cooked beef to the pan halfway through the vegetable cooking time.
Stir the broth mixture and add to the pan. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 1-2 minutes or until thickened.
Add cooked noodles and toss until well mixed.

Notes: All of the ingredients in this recipe can be increased or omitted at will; it is very adaptable and can be altered to suit individual tastes. Vegetables can be improvised and changed at will. Just make sure everything gets cooked through. Meats can also be substituted, just make sure they are well cooked accordingly.

Moment of Joy

2010-01-05T09:46:00.000-05:00

This is a stained glass window from St. Margaret's Chapel in Edinburgh Castle. The chapel is the oldest structure in Edinburgh, a small one room building just big enough for the royal family to gather in prayer. I was struck at how beautiful the stained glass windows were, especially this one, but when I took the photo I didn't have high hopes of the dim lighting allowing me to get a good shot. Lo and behold! This picture turned out to be one of the iconic shots of my trip.

In addition to it's beauty, this image of St. Margaret seems to exude a sense of peace and calmness. Something I need right about now...

Moment of Joy

2010-01-03T01:52:00.003-05:00

Actually, many moments of joy, all thanks to my sweet birdie.

Love you forever, Sammy bird.

Moment of Joy

2009-12-29T10:27:00.003-05:00

I lived here, in this castle, when I spent part of the summer of 2007 in England and Scotland. Well, it's not a castle, really, but a manor house with a conservatory, park, music rooms, ballrooms, great halls, libraries...

simply put, one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

And for a little extra joy... this was the view from the gorgeous window seat in my bedroom.

Damn, I'm lucky!

Moment of Joy

2009-12-16T08:42:00.004-05:00

Inspired by several awesome photoblogs, I've decided to take a crack at it myself. I can't always post a whole article, but I'd love to share these photos with you. Moment of Joy is my little way of sharing images that just make me happy, from any number of sources and venues. I hope they make you happy, too!

This first edition of Moment of Joy features one of my favorite pictures ever. This is Edinburgh at about 9 or 10 pm, just after I left a tour in Mary King's Close. I traveled there two summers ago for a college course and was amazed at how early the sun rose, how late it set, and how utterly gorgeous this city was, especially the colorful, modern, funky storefronts topped with century old buildings. Just thinking about that trip makes my heart soar. I think I am a misplaced Scot at heart!

The Prodigal Grad Student Returns

2009-12-16T08:31:00.002-05:00

Finally! I am done for the semester! Yes, I know I have been very lax in updating, but never fear, you will get all kinds of insights and gossip on the world of the PhD student over the next few weeks. It's been a ride, and this is just the first pause I get before I plunge right back into it, a cycle that will repeat over and over again for at least 5 years.

But right now, I want to direct your attention to the bottom of this blog. See that "Let's Say Thanks" widget? It's a great program brought to you by the people of Xerox. The company has collected some great artwork from kids all across the country and they are turning them into postcards for the troops. They have a website outlining their project and a facebook group you can join, too. All you need to do is follow that widget to their homepage, where you too can send your own greetings and thanks to those who serve. Trust me; this is a great holiday treat for those who can't be home to celebrate with family and friends. So take a minute (even less, take 10 seconds) to send one to a stranger who cares for you and your freedom.

Isn't it time you care back? Send a "Let's Say Thanks" card.

Soldiers harassed in Afghanistan…

2009-10-15T18:10:00.002-04:00

… by roving packs of sheep and goats? Hey, it could be much worse…

…you could be this guy.

I came across these photos while doing some research for a paper (got to love the grad school workload). I guess everyone needs something to keep their spirits up, especially these guys. Seriously folks, say a prayer for our armed forces. They need love, too.

Also, send new boxer shorts.

The Boss blew it…

2009-10-11T12:22:00.007-04:00

Dear Mr. Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen,

So… what was the deal Friday night? Seriously… what happened? This was supposed to be an epic show, you know? We were shutting down the Meadowlands, this was the last night at Giants Stadium. You ever wrote a song about it! You know, "Wrecking Ball?" But, wow, what a letdown. No encore? Really?

Okay, yes, I looked at the set list online and you did play all the songs labeled "encore," but it's not an encore it your don't leave the stage and then come back. Then it's just… well, it's just more concert. Even Supre Boy was pretty disappointed, and he was beside himself with excitment for this concert. Don't get me wrong. "Born to Run?" Epic. I sang, I danced, I cried a little. Same with "Born in the USA," "Badlands"… awesome. But no encore? You just left us standing there, asking each other, "Was that it? Should we go? He's coming back, right?"

But you didn't!

I might be able to forgive all this if you hadn't left out three of my favorite songs. No "Rosalita," no "10^th Avenue Freeze Out," and no "Thunder Road." I love "Thunder Road!" Skipping that song was sacrilegious. Hearing that song live was the main reason I came to see you. And you blew it!

Look, you couldn't help that Bon Jovi never showed, although that would have been mind-blowing. But to leave the stadium for the last time on such an anticlimactic note… this should have been huge. This should have been the night you pull out all the stops and bring down house without the damn wrecking ball! And you end with a love song? Yeah, okay, a love song about Jersey girls, but… really? Who ends with a ballad?

No huge encore of "Born to Run?" Nothing extraordinary? I mean, hey, if this was a regular show I'd still be surprised, but ok with it, but this night… of all nights, this should have been the big one. And it just wasn't.

The rest of the night falling apart wasn't your fault. The brawl with the angry fans and security, the swarm of state troopers, the descending K-9 unit, the delayed trains and waiting in the pouring rain… that just pulled the night into a major tailspin.

All the people in the world, you should have known what that night mean to everyone there, and how special it could have been.

I'm sorry it just didn't happen.

Love,

One of your most (disgruntled) faithful fans

Llonely Llama Lluckily Lled Llower by Lloving Llady

2009-10-04T12:11:00.009-04:00

You hear about lost dogs and cats all the time, see flyers posted around town with a picture and a phone number, begging anyone with information to bring Fido home. But what happens when a lost pet has no one looking for it? And what if that pet is a llama? Meet Homer, the llama who's had one heck of an "odyssey" in Colorado (witty, no)? It turns out that this llama has been wandering around Pike's Peak for over a month, living off the local vegetation and trying to make friends like bighorn sheep. But the folks who spotted this little guy worried that he might be attacked by mountain lions, coyotes or succumb to the upcoming winter. Lucky for him, a nice lady, her friend and their llamas went looking for Homer, who happily joined their little group and left the mountainside.

While this may seem like a fluffy feel good story, it actually highlights a little know and often ignored problem in our society. Every year, thousands of animals are discarded by their owners, most commonly because their owners do not know how to properly care for them and become overwhelmed. Go to any animal shelter and see the adorable kittens that grew up to be not-so-cute cats, the puppies that grew into much-too-big mutts, and the bunnies that graced Easter baskets and now just take up space. And these smaller animals are not the only victims. In rural areas (parts of Texas and New York State in particular come to mine) there is an epidemic of livestock abandonment. Horses are turned out to pasture and ignored, cows left in barn stalls with ankle deep manure, and sheep and llamas left to fend for themselves. Sheep and llamas are increasingly in this predicament, as their wool is highly prized for yarn (as a knitter, I can tell you good yarn is not cheap). Inexperienced owners buy these animals looking to make a quick profit, and quickly realize they are in for more than they bargained for.

When people take on any animal without understanding its needs that animal is doomed to suffer, and without people intervening on the animals' behalves, many will die from neglect. This doesn't have to happen. Before you adopt or buy any kind of pet, research it, find out what it needs to live a healthy life, and find out what kind of care it will need over its lifespan. Understand that you are taking on a life to care for; you would take a sick child to the doctor, why is your pet any different?

But Homer is one of the lucky ones. Not only did some very dedicated people search for him, they are working to find him a loving forever home. Now that is a happy ending.

For more on Homer the llama, follow this link: http://www.optimum.net/News/AP/Article?articleId=619278&categoryId=66

For more on animal rescue, click here: http://www.aspca.org/

And as for the title of this post…I had to do it. As corny as it is, it had to happen. Sorry.

Note to Self… Don’t Do This

2009-10-01T22:00:00.004-04:00

So as a (not so) soon to be bride, I have been slogging through countless posting on The Knot, reading over millions of their articles, and scouring over (literally) thousands of reception décor photos and flowers. I know what I want, in theory anyway. I want something special, classic nad entirely personal. And it has to "have a playlist that just won't quit" (thanks, mom). My wedding is about 2.5 years away, and I still have nightmares about missing cakes, wiliting flowers and evil bridesmaids. Yes, there are in fact more important things for me to focus on, but planning something so special for Super Boy's and my family is a rush. It's a high. It's buttercream-pink-orchid-and-tulle-crack.

I'm planner, so starting now is not just fun, but preventing be from having a coronary two weeks before. But, alas, there are some things you simply cannot plan for, things so bizzare you can't possible comprehend them. Things like your Dad climbing under your wedding dress, having to use a port-a-potty before the ceremony, or having the urge to do a keg stand in a $2,000 dress. For all these things, there is The Wedinator.

I have no idea how I stumbled across this, but stumbled I did, and now I can't get these images out of my mind. I think they might be burned onto my retinas. Then again… at least I know exactly what NOT to do at my wedding. Enjoy!

http://wedinator.com/

Role Models and Pole Dancers: the Miley Cyrus Dilemma

2009-09-14T20:30:00.007-04:00

I would love to say that I am above this petty nonsense, but considering Super Boy has a 13 year-old sister, I know more about Miley Cyrus than I ever wanted to stomach. But she's everywhere, this happy, peppy, Disney manufactured icon; she's got her own clothing lines, toys, music, movies, even snack food. While I have my reasons for not liking her (she's got a voice like a choking mule), I can't say much. The future daughter- and sister-in-law is a very delicate position. And she's promoted as sweet, innocent and wholesome, but there is a darker side lurking. This seems to be a pattern that repeats itself every few years. Look at Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. One day they are kid friend, and the next they are shaving their heads, drunk driving and flashing their genitals. And now Miley is jumping on their bandwagon, taking topless photos for magazines, flipping the bird and pole dancing at a kid's award show. Classy.

So if this is the kind of role model we are setting forth as appropriate for tweens, what messages are we sending? That it's ok for a 16 year-old to pole dance? Giving the finger is an ok way to express yourself? Taking topless photos and lying seductively across your dad is normative behavior? Gender stereotypes abound! We are teaching young girls at a formative point in their lives that the media is a reliable and appropriate place to get their system of morals, ethics and beliefs. The media has been linked to many different issues facing young girls and women ranging from anorexia and to poor self-esteem and body image. And Miley Cyrus is the role model we are shoving down their throats. Is it any wonder that what is considered "normative" is actually so harmful?

What girls need are role models who offer something substantial; people with brains, creativity, bravery, strength, and yes, maybe even beauty too, but not the stereotypical, prepackaged beauty Hollywood spits out. Girls need to want to be themselves, not some hyped-up teen drama queen. So how do we do this? Well, it starts with parents and guardians being the bad guys and saying no, I don't think that Hannah/Miley/Uber Skank is a good role model. And then you have to explain why. Talk to your kids about the toys they play with, the music they listen to and the movies they watch. Talk to them about what these things teach, and try to explain what fantasy is and how real life is different. Give them honest, realistic values to live by, not those that come with a brand name.

As for Miley herself, I can't wait to watch this pop princess crash and burn. I give her two years until she's snorting lines of coke off of some guy's chest.

Gone to the Dogs

2009-09-13T23:31:00.002-04:00

So here is a hot topic in New Jersey's law enforcement community. Atlantic City, the (in)famous tourist destination, is known as much for its casinos and boardwalks as its reputation for drugs, prostitutes and murder. While great strides have been taken in the past decade (you don't find nearly as many used needles in the streets as you used to), it is still a city with a crime problem. Now, this is not to say that everyone who lives there is a criminal; far from it, in fact. And it is just as unfair to say that crime runs rampant and unchecked; the police force is efficient and organized, and the State Police even have special interests in the area adding further protection.

Researchers have any number of different criminological theories discussing what creates crime and criminals, and Atlantic City is as good a place as any to see them in action. The constant fluctuation of the population creates tension and unrest. Think of the double-decker trains now running from New York City to the casinos. An entirely new (and perhaps even unsavory) group of people are now being introduced to the area on a temporary basis. When a community is constantly changing and the inhabitants are temporary there is a risk of decreasing attachment to the neighborhood and social morals failing.

Now the police's ability to fight crime and keep the community safe has been limited to an even greater extent as the result of a political power trip. In summary: man breaks law, police tell man to surrender, man refuses. Police K-9 apprehends man, so, of course, man sues. They mayor says he's imposing the ban on behalf of the citizens who complained, but the police aren't buying it. They are calling it a purely political move, and they are worried, and rightfully so, that their ability to protect the public will be compromised.

This is a classic example of criminal justice policy not reflecting criminal justice realities. It's all well and good to impose statutes and write code, but if it doesn't work on the street it's useless at best and harmful at worst.

Moral of the story? Pick different vacation spot on the Jersey Shore.

For more on this story, follow the link below to the AP article.

http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2009/08/atlantic_city_indefinitely_sus.html

Here comes the bitch…

2009-09-05T21:17:00.009-04:00

So Super Boy and I spent last night at a family wedding; my cousin (who is practically a brother, really) married a very, very sweet girl in an outdoor ceremony followed by an incredibly fun reception. The music was phenomenal, the food was to die for, and all of my family turned out for the party. It was a wonderful night celebrating two wonderful people.

Not everyone at the wedding, however, was well behaved.
I have not spoken very much about my immediate family yet, but I have two sisters, both younger. We are all 2 ½ years apart, and while my youngest sister, Weasel, and I get along usual, the middle sister Lady Diva and I do not. Diva is evil. Yes, I know, all sisters fight, but this goes beyond that. Diva has lied to my parents about me to cause trouble, spread rumors about me, and once even tried to punch me in the face in the middle of a church. On Easter Sunday. We have hated each other from birth, and honestly, things aren't likely to change (more on our complicated relationship to come).
Now Lady Diva and her long time boyfriend, the obnoxious Gavone (again, a story for another time), were at the wedding of course. Now typically these two split off and do their own things at family gatherings, but since it was a wedding I was forced to endure their company most of the evening. To make matters worse, Diva didn't appreciate being out of the limelight. Not wanting to be merely a spectator at this event, she pulled a major coupé right under our parents' noses and tried to upstage the bride.
Yes. Lady Diva threw a fit in the middle of the wedding. First, she bought a white dress. True, it has a green sash and delicate flower pattern on it, but the rest was white as snow. And, to add insult to injury, Diva had a tiara perches atop her updo. A golden, sparkly tiara of all things. If her appearance wasn't enough, she actually walked out of the ceremony just as the bride was coming down the aisle, complaining of feeling "really quite faint." It was a hot day, but nearly hot enough to disrupt the wedding for a fainting spell.
Luckily, I don't think the bride noticed; it was her special day, and it makes me fume to think of Lady Diva and her petty tantrums. But you have to wonder what this kind of behavior says about my family and about wedding etiquette today in general. Wearing white to a wedding is still considered a faux pas, and rightly so. But many other behaviors, such as bringing a guest uninvited or wearing electric pink mini dresses, are becoming if not accepted then certainly less frowned upon. Personally, I think Emily Post had the right idea. A wedding is a special celebration centering on two people; their guests have no right to draw away that focus. When in doubt, it is best to err on the side of tradition and opt not to wear the gold sequins.
As for my family, it hints at the tensions and dysfunction underneath the surface. For my parents to let Diva's behavior go without comment is disappointing. At 20 years old, you'd think they put a little more pressure on her to grow up and act like a decent human being. Even Weasel, who has an admitted flair for drama and is the baby of the family, acted with more maturity and grace. If this is how my family acts at the happiest of occasions, it makes you wonder what the bad times look like.
And just think, I get to be in the center of all this madness in a few years.
Dum dum da dum…

Again, a failure of justice…

2009-08-21T10:11:00.005-04:00

So the Lockerbie Bomber has been set free, all in the name of compassion. The Scottish courts say that the former Libyan intelligence officer is dying of prostate cancer, and with Ramadan approaching it would be a great show of mercy is they released him on compassionate grounds. Which I find incredibly ironic. Here is a man with absolutely no compassion and an absolute contempt for the sanctity of life… and the courts think that he deserves the mercy he'd never show to others. Now I hesitate to say that Hammurabi and his theory of "an eye for an eye" is really applicable in today's society… but should a punishment reflect the crime committed and the intent behind it? There are times to show mercy, and then there are times to recognize that the man is a terrorist who blew up a plane and the fact that he's dying a slow and painful death is probably divine justice.

Of course, there is always the argument that it is takes a bigger person to forgive those that do wrong to them, and many British don't think he's guilty in the first place (which I think is ridiculous, seeing as the Libyan government actually accepted responsibility and paid the families compensation). Even some of the victims' families, such as the British Rev. John Mosey, whose daughter Helga, 19, died in the attack, said Wednesday he would be glad to see al-Megrahi return home."It is right he should go home to die in dignity with his family. I believe it is our Christian duty to show mercy," he said. But forgiving someone shouldn't let them off the hook (and to be honest, the Scots can hold a grudge with the best of them).

Compassion maybe be a noble sentiment, but it doesn't translate well across cultures. In the West forgiveness and mercy is a great virtue; in Libya, this gesture will be seen as a great weakness and Abdel Baset al-Megrahi will be welcomed home as a hero regardless of very stern warnings from the US and Britain. The Libyans, and likely very many others across the world, will give lip service to the wishes of the West, note the very conspicuous silence from the Libyan government on the matter for fear of reprisal and losing their tenuous position as an up-and-coming nation. The government knows this issue requires extremely careful handling. But behind their hands they laugh. Petals are strewn before al-Megrahi's feet, flags waved in celebration and crowds flack to welcome him home in triumph.

And what about the other victims' families? Many of the passengers were Americans, and their loved ones aren't inclined to show compassion. "I'm totally against it. He murdered 270 people," said Paul Halsch of Perinton, New York, who lost his 31-year-old wife in the attack. "This might sound crude or blunt, but I want him returned from Scotland the same way my wife Lorraine was ... and that would be in a box."

Regardless of what the courts think "just," the question of what is "fair" remains. And we must ask ourselves how and when mercy and compassion can play a role in the criminal justice system, especially in cases of such extreme hate and cruelty.

For more from the AP News story, visit the below link.
http://www.optimum.net/News/AP/Article?articleId=599375&categoryId=22.

The difference between what’s just and what’s fair

2009-08-20T10:03:00.005-04:00

When you are living in a city that is rabid about its sports teams, you tend to hear all the gossip almost as soon as it happens. Michael Vick signing with the Philadelphia Eagles is no different. I am not an Eagles fan (in fact, I loathe them, but that's another story), but even if I were I'd have to seriously reconsider my loyalties. After the dog fighting scandal and the overwhelming disgust shown by the American people as a result, you'd think he'd be a pariah in our society, and certainly not a hot pick for a football team. Apparently, I stand corrected.

Now there is justice, and then there is fairness. According to the courts system, "justice" has been served for Michael Vick. He was sentenced to prison, served his time and is now released back into society to become a productive citizen once more. Considering criminal justice and criminology are my fields of study, I would usually be one of the first people to recognize the logic of this system. But I don't feel like Vick's punishment even remotely reflects the crime. The animals on his Bad Newz Kennels were tortured. Many died, and others were so physically and psychologically traumatized they needed to be humanely put down. These dogs didn't get to spend their time being the big man on campus at some federal prison where he was most definitely deferred to as the local celebrity. I don't think Michael Vick ever had to worry about dropping the soap or getting shanked in the chow line. Let's face it: the bastard got off easy. But the courts think he's paid his debt to society and should be a free man once more. That is their interpretation of justice.

Now what would be fair? Well, these dogs didn't get preferential treatment when Vick was hanging the weakest of them for losing matches, or starving them to make them vicious fighters. Vick is out of prison, true. But she should never get to go back to his old life. The damage to these animals cannot be undone, and he should not be allowed to wipe his slate clean and pretend nothing ever happened. That is a mockery of what is right. It's just not fair. Does he deserve to make a living? Of course he does. The stigma of a conviction should not be an insurmountable barrier for anyone. But should he get to play professional football, certainly not a right but a rare privilege, and make millions? Absolutely not. He should certainly get a job. Maybe he can flip burgers, stock shelves or clean up dog parks.

So who wins in the end? Surprisingly, it's the dogs. Through incredible amounts of patience, handwork and unwavering love, many of these dogs have found families and loving homes. In fact, some have become ambassadors for the pit bull breed, disproving the myth that they are natural born killers. If they are naturally born to do anything, it's probably snuggling. Look at Leo. This handsome guy with his colorful clown collar is covered in scars from his fighting days. But his new career? He's now a service dog, keeping chemo patients company during their treatments and showing them that anything is possible, no matter how bleak things may look. He is proof that in spite of cruelty, and in spite of Michael Vick, there is always a chance for another start. Now that is a good dog.

So to all the Eagles fans out there, keep on loving your team if you must, but if you love animals and human decency too, then maybe you should rethink your alliances.

Recipe Puppy, a new favorite thing of mine…

2009-06-27T10:46:00.006-04:00

I have a new love in my life. Meet "Recipe Puppy," a little pug that "fetches" recipes for you based on what you already have in your kitchen (plus or minus a few ingredients). Not only does this help immensely when you are trying to make dinner on a budget and with what you have on hand, the recipes are fresh, varied and easy to personalize.

Perfect for a foodie on a budget!

Check out the new gadget posted under my "favorite things" bar. Try it for yourself, and I guarantee Recipe Puppy will steal your heart and make your mouth water.

I heard the news today…

2009-06-25T23:34:00.002-04:00

So I am driving with my mom to the mall making small talk when suddenly the radio announcer says that Michael Jackson is dead. Farah Fawcett, too. Our jaws hit the dashboard. I for one am very sad to hear of Farah's passing. The woman battled her cancer with bravery and grace and I sincerely hope she is at peace. It is a very sad end to a very nice lady.

As for Whacko Jacko…

Well, I'm not heartless to say I'm glad he's dead, but really, this was only a matter of time. Living life constantly stoned and drunk? His strange fascination with small children (and it's sick and sexual, I still have no idea how he got off at that trial)? They say that he was discovered by his family this morning, his father attempted to resuscitate him and then they called for EMS. But here's the thing… when the EMTs and paramedics got there, he was cold. Contrary to popular belief, it takes a while for a body to get cold to the touch. The hospital is saying cardiac arrest. My person opinion? Cardiac arrest for certain, but almost certainly during the night from drugs. Your heart can only take so much abuse, after all.

Is there a silver lining to all his death?

Well, maybe some little children won't be molested.

Can you guess I was never a big fan?

The return of the prodigal grad student…

2009-06-24T13:36:00.002-04:00

Yes, I know it is June. No, I haven't had time to blog. So let's pretend I didn't flake out for three months and move right along.

Anyway, now that a grad school has been chosen, an apartment leased and a dorm room lined up, all I have left to do is pack. However, that is much more complicated than originally anticipated. Firstly, I am moving out of my family home (at least partially) and into two, yes two, different places. The first is the apartment Super Boy (now Super Fiancé) and I will be sharing. The second is yet another dorm room. This is an unfortunate necessity considering the apartment is a good two hours from where I'll be going to school so… two "homes" it is.

But how do you divide your life into equal pieces? I still have a place to crash in my parents' home, so I have to leave some stuff there. And I will be teaching while going to school so all of my work clothes are getting shipped there. And everything else is getting loaded into a truck and hauled over to the apartment. Logically it all makes sense. But really, how do you live in so many places at once? It feels like I am pulled in three directions and once and I really don't have a place to call "home."

Do I have a roof over my head? A place to sleep? A place to work and study? Yes, and I am deeply, wholeheartedly thankful to have so many places to stay if need be. But I don't have that once place, that one spot on earth that is mine. I don't have that niche where I am utterly, entirely comfortable with my surroundings and myself. I don't have a real "home."

But there's nothing I can do about that. I will just have to put up with this awful feeling of displacement until I get a real home to call my own. Until then there is nothing I can do.

I am, in some sense, homeless.

…as you love yourself

2009-03-06T22:34:00.002-05:00

Super Boy and my mom, each on their own and without discussion between them, both commented on my "love your neighbor" post in their own ways. In the case of Super Boy, I offhandedly joked that the entire ordeal with Bam Bam and Sally the Slut, combined with the grad school saga, was making me depressed and old before my time.

And he agreed.

Super Boy agreed that I was depressed. And not just depressed, but entirely self loathing. How's that for brutally honest? He said that over the past month I have sunk into a funk; the more good news I get from schools (and the more options I suddenly have), the worse I feel. And no, the repetitive thumping doesn't help, either. But he does have a point. So did my mom. I mentioned my struggle with loving my current neighbor and she cut me off. She said to forget about the neighbors; I ought to spend more time trying to love myself.

Her exact words? "You have the self-esteem of a fruit fly."

Wow. Thanks, mom.

I know I'm a bit hard on myself. But I never thought about the second part of "love your neighbor as you love yourself" as all that important. I really think I have tunnel vision here. I can beat myself up all day when I say really unkind things about other people. And I feel like a really lousy person when I do, even if they bring it on themselves. But when I treat myself like crap? It's just another day in my world. And that isn't fair. If I should be nice to the people around me, I damn well better be nice to myself. And I am really going to try.

As for the "love your neighbor" bit? I wish I could say that progress has been made but… they got loud. Again. I got pissed. Again. Then the society of angry neighbors got pissed. And then the cops were called.

So, yeah. It could be going better. I guess Jesus will just have to give me a mulligan on this one.

Love your neighbor…

2009-03-01T16:59:00.003-05:00

I rarely talk about religion, and with good reason. My mother always told me there are three things you never talk about in public: money, politics and religion. It's not a matter of having no opinion on the subject, or being ashamed of what you believe; my silence is a matter of self preservation. And, in a way, it makes me stronger and maybe even a little better as a person. Rather than spend time arguing with others and trying to make them see my side of things, I try listen to what others have to say regardless of whether or not I agree. Most of the time I nod and smile and move on. Sometimes I learn something. Regardless, I don't feel the need to push what I think is right onto others.

But the Lenten season has just started, and as a practicing Catholic (at least in theory) I am taking the time to reexamine my life and the way I live. So talking a little about religion is kind of required. There are a lot of aspects of religion I question, or just outright disagree with. I think that while God is infallible and always has a plan in mind, people definitely make mistakes. So while I have faith and believe in many things, I don't accept outright some of the Church's more modern teachings. I believe that Jesus had the right idea. God loves everyone, period. We are all made equal in His eyes. He is forgiving and never gives up on people. All in all, He's a pretty cool guy.

Anyway… I digress. Recently I have been considering one of the cornerstone tenants of the New Testament: "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." Simply speaking, treat those around you the way you want to be treated. I'm pretty sure I've been hearing that since Pre-K. But I will be the first to admit that I don't always follow it that closely. I have a short fuse and less-than-perfect people skills. I am not a big fan of humanity as a whole. People in large crowds can be incredibly stupid. One on one they can be just as bad. I have a low tolerance for idiocy.

My most recent and aggravating example of this is my interaction with Sally the Slut and my neighbor Bam Bam. Easy to love they are not. A few nights ago they woke me up not with sex but with conversation. A loud one. At 2 in the morning. I suppose I should be thankful considering their normal pursuits, but I had to be at my internship early the next morning and my nerves were worn thin to begin with. This was the last thing I needed. By 4 a.m. I hit my limit; I stomped down the stairs and knocked on Bam Bam's door. When he answered (in a revolting state of undress that is just too traumatizing to record here) he seemed angry at me, as if I were disturbing him rather than the other way around. After a short and sharp conversation I went back to bed. But it bothered me. True, they were in the wrong to act so selfishly at the expense of everyone else in the house, but did I do the right thing? Yes, it fixed the problem. But I think Jesus would have taken this in stride, maybe used a parable to get his point across rather than a scowl and sarcasm. So maybe I should try to be a bit more patient and a little more understanding of the people around me. And maybe I should forgive people, no matter how inconsiderate they are.

Then again, Jesus never had to live in a college dorm. Maybe if he did "love your neighbor" would have a few exceptions to the rule…

The Adventures of Sally the Slut and Bam Bam

2009-02-24T12:12:00.005-05:00

Warning! This post is rated PG-13 for brutal honesty and loud moaning!

So I haven't mentioned Sally the Slut yet. And I should, considering the important role she plays in my life. Sally the Slut is the girl a neighbor of mine, the aforementioned Bam Bam, has recently begun having obnoxiously loud sex with. I could be nice and say that they are in a committed relationship, but we are talking about Sally the Slut. All they do is have sex. And I have my doubts that he is the only one she is currently boinking.

So I was not the first to christen Sally with her moniker. Apparently she was picked out and marked for what she was within the first days of her being on campus. Not only has she been around the block a few times, she has apparently become known far and wide as the campus bicycle; everyone has had a ride, and now it's Bam Bam's turn.

Oh, by the way. She's a freshman. He is a senior. Which makes all of this that much more unpalatable.

Now I have the unfortunate luck to live in the general vicinity of these two. She has, much to the resentment of everyone who lives in this house, practically moved in. No one likes her. Especially the ones who have to hear the two of them go at it. The first time she spent the night I was woken out of a dead sleep convinced that there was an earthquake. But then I heard the moaning. Screaming, actually. And she's… a talker. She says… things… and at that volume you can't help but listen.

And then there is Bam Bam, who, of course, lives up to his name. I am lulled to sleep by very rhythmic, earnest thumping on a nearly nightly basis. He's very focused. So focused, in fact, that he doesn't seem to realize that he's beginning to rival Sally the Slut with the screaming. So I like to mess with him. Just when he gets into a rhythm I jump on my bed sporadically to throw him off beat. It works.

And things get worse. Somewhere along the line, Sally the Slut picked up at least a few unsavory diseases. So when Bam Bam suddenly came down with mono, everyone looked to her. And guess what? She had it too. So much for monogamy. Share and share alike, I guess. Spread the love. And now I have to listen to them have sex and take breaks to hack up a lung. Lovely.

Don't get me wrong. I don't look in people's bedroom windows, and I don't want people looking into mine. But when you are that… exuberant… what do you expect?

So after an impromptu meeting of the "Shut up Sally the Slut, and move your bed off the wall Bam Bam" society, several neighbors and concerned citizens have offered the following solutions to our little problem:

Hang a roll of duct tape on the door with a post-it note that reads "Put over both of your mouths, then have sex."
Start a collection to buy a used ball gag on eBay, then nail it to Bam Bam's door. This should be self-explanatory.
Get a muzzle and matching dog tag engraved with "obey local leash laws and muzzle your bitch" (my person favorite).
Add saltpeter to everything they eat and drink.

I welcome any suggestions you may have. Feel free to add your own solutions, the wilder the better.

At this point, all bets are off.

Want more? Come and get it!

2009-02-24T00:05:00.002-05:00

This is not my first foray into the blogging world. In fact, I kept a blog for several months as part of a gender and pop culture class a while ago. I hated it at the time (technologically savvy I am not). But after a few posts… I was hooked. Looking back, I think the class was a rewarding experience; you never realize how much pop culture messed with your mind until you really sit down and think about it. Scary stuff.

So… like intellectual critiques on the genderization of children? Think Barbie is a misogynist puppet used to destroy self esteem? Wonder why models and celebrities can be so screwed up and still be so popular?

Then come and get your fill of thoughtful social commentary at "Barbie bashing and other varsity sports!"

http://genderandpopculture.blogspot.com/

All you need is love…

2009-02-18T13:40:00.007-05:00

Nothing has changed. No new news about the graduate programs, no idea what I am going to do. I don't know what school I'll go to, where I'll live or what my next step is. I feel numbed. I am totally crushed. This is nothing like I imagined. I never thought I'd be so conflicted and confused; I was hoping it'll all just magically work out wonderfully and that would be the end of it.

If there's anything I hate, it's not having a plan.

So, because I can't deal with all of this right now, I have been spending my time doing… well, nothing really. I haven't been doing anything. I had a few days off from my internship (thank God for state holidays) and I have spent the time napping, watching TV and snacking. I probably now official classify as a vegetable, mostly likely a potato of the couch variety. But I only feel marginally guilty. I am sure I should be doing something productive, but I like naps so much better. And I have a wicked cold, so I really do need some rest.

But I did manage to rouse myself out of bed for Valentine's Day. Ok, so Super Boy prodded me along. He's much more romantic than I am; if I had my way, anyone who celebrated Valentine's Day would be boiled in their own champagne and buried with a long stem rose through their heart. But not Super Boy. He takes things seriously. A dozen and a half roses. Dinner at PF Chang's. A very sweet card. And, my personal favorite, an owl shaped bath mitt covered in hearts.

Bizarre? Yes. Perfect? You bet.

You see, I may not be a big fan of the whole Valentine's Day thing, but I needed it. In the middle of this grad school debacle I needed to be reminded that there are more important things in my life. And for someone who gets very wrapped up and consumed by things that can't be control, the reminder is a good thing.

What more do I really need? I've got Super Boy.

The Good, the Bad, and the Confusing

2009-02-11T12:18:00.004-05:00

I hardly know where to begin. Just when I had resigned myself to playing the waiting game as grad schools considered my applications, everything has sped up to a frenetic pace. Suddenly so many things have changed that I hardly know whether to be ecstatic or devastated.

The first big chunk of news came last Monday. I was napping after a really, really long day at my internship when I got this phone call. Now, I usually just turn off my phone and let anyone who wants to talk to me leave a message, but I was with Super Boy at the time, and he has this weird theory about cell phones. When they ring, he answers. Or, in this case, pokes me in the ribs and makes me answer.

And then suddenly there is this graduate coordinator, a real big shot in the criminology community, asking me how I am, if I'm not too busy to talk for a bit, would I have a few minutes to spare. I think I mumbled something. He might be a criminal justice institution, but he woke me up. He'll just have to deal with me half conscious. And as I begin to full understand what is happened, I realize he is saying things like "very excited," "hugely impressed," "teaching assistantship," "Presidential Fellowship," and "full tuition." And, because I am an IDIOT, I interrupt him and say, "Wait… wait… I'm sorry. What was that? I don't… what? You mean I'm in? Seriously?"

I am such a tool.

But yes, not only was I in, I was being offered the world. Tuition, fees, a salary, a shot at a prestigious fellowship. Out of everyone who applied to the school, I was it. I was the one they wanted. I was the homegrown girl, the state born, bred and educated rising star (or so they said, I am still convinced they had the wrong number). The only downside here? There's a clock on the offer. I have until March 13^th. And it's creeping up very quickly.

Now, I applied to four schools. Two are very far away, but my mentor made me apply (they are the two best criminology programs in the nation, so I kind of had to try). The one I just heard from is my back up plan, a safety school that is still one of the top 5 (and the longest established program in the country). But my top choice… it's an Ivy. The only Ivy with a PhD program in criminology. And I want to go there so bad I could cry.

So… now the bad. And the confusing. With the clock ticking on a very attractive offer from my second choice of programs, I needed to ask my first choice what they were thinking. So (with lots of guidance from my mentor) I send an email inquiring as to my current status, if I was in, did they want to meet me, could they give me some kind of clue. Because you see, they don't tell students until March 15^th.

These deadlines are all a game. A test to see how bad you want an offer, how much you really want to go somewhere. I don't play games. Especially head games. So now I am caught in the middle of two schools and I have more questions than answers.

But I didn't get good news from the Ivy. In fact, I don't even know if I got bad news. All I got was a short, nebulous email that really said nothing at all. They said that there were "only two to three applications" they were looking at to see if they "fit available faculty mentoring." What does that even mean? There are only 3 people getting in? Am I one of them? Or are they talking about some kind of assistantship or fellowship? Are they just letting me down easy? I don't know what any of this means, and neither does anyone else I ask.

After waiting so long I suddenly have too much information. How could so much good news be so bad? And what do I do now?

The background story…

2009-02-09T20:50:00.005-05:00

So some background information is probably in order. I am a twenty-something criminology major at a pretty selective state school in the mid-Atlantic region (no specifics here, folks). The department of criminology here is… volatile at best. Lots of regime changes, name changes and, I'll admit it, grandfathering in old to make life easier. Apparently I came in just as things began to get straightened out, and I really have thrived here. I have a great mentor, and I have done very well academically (dumb luck mostly). Suddenly I find myself about to graduate and desperately trying to throw together an exit strategy.

Considering I have been spending the majority of the past few months trying to get into PhD programs, I haven't actually searched for jobs. So there is no plan B if plan A falls through. Oops. And, because I am a sucker for punishment, I am also interning at state and federal organization (I'd tell you where, but then I'd have to kill you… no… really). Oh yeah, and I am on the campus EMS squad. And I get sucked into doing all kinds of extra things that are time consuming and make me want to pull my hair out.

So, hi. I'm rozzie bear, a walking ball of over-stressed and overbooked nerves.

But I am lucky in many respects. Firstly, I am pretty darn smart. Not by any real hard work, just good luck and good genes. So the whole grad school thing might be a real possibility. And I have a great family. They're all insane, of course. Family reunions, especially the big holidays, are more like feeding time on the psych ward. But they really are the most loving and supportive (if dysfunctional and gossipy) family around. I may say I'm the lone white sheep in a herd of black ones, but I say it with lots of love… most of the time…

And then there's Super Boy. Super Boy and I met on the first day of college and we have been friends ever since. About two years ago he and I finally got around to dating, and things have never been so good. I know, it sounds disgustingly saccharine. Can't help it though. Even on my worst days (and there are a lot of those) I've got Super Boy to cheer me up, keep me sane and keep me going. Without him I'd probably be even more of a mess than usual.

So there you go. That's me in a nutshell (emphasis on the nut)… So now I just have to figure out what happens next. I probably should do some research… or at least some homework. But no. I'd much rather nap. Oh well. So much for all that drive and ambition.

So about this blogging thing…

2009-02-07T23:03:00.004-05:00

I hear it's a kind of catharsis. You know, like you write down all the things that are buzzing around your head and then, by some magical blogging healing powers, you are suddenly cured. I am less then sure about all this, but why not? I figure I need a reason to procrastinate (more than I already do) and why not a blog?

So…about that catharsis… How am I supposed to feel better about moving out, leaving my parents behind, and setting up my life in some nondescript apartment? How am I supposed to juggle a relationship with massive overdoses of homework and research? Who is going to teach me to pay bills? And where am I supposed to get the money to pay them in the first place? I am a college senior without a clue, a plan, and just the barest sense of a prayer. I am figuring it out as I go… and writing it down along the way. I just wish someone had warned me about all this.

When did I suddenly have a life? What is this "responsibility" thing I keep hearing about? Since when am I a grownup?