Love is in the Air

This week Super Boy and I will be together three years. And in a little more than two, we'll be getting married. I've done a bit more wedding research this weekend and I've come to the conclusion that weddings, like any family function, are political drama fests disguised as parties. Who gets to be a bridesmaid? Do I have to have Lady Diva (middle sister)? Do I have to invite Gavone (Diva's obnoxious boyfriend)? Can my cousins be his groomsmen? Can I put all the people I don't like at a table in the back?I know I'm going to have to give in a lot to keep the peace, and sometimes I'll have to grin and bear it when I'd really rather be screaming.

On the bright side, my mom and Weasel (youngest sister) are both very involved in the planning. So much so that I sometimes get phone calls from them telling me what they have decided my wedding will be like. So far velour tracksuits are the worst suggestion (I hope they were kidding) and a two week honeymoon to Disney World the best (although it looks my entire family will be joining Super Boy and I...).

What have I learned in the end? It's going to be a busy two years, and patience will be a virtue I must nurture. I'm sure I'll laugh about this in years to come...

PS- I designed the image above as a potential "wedding logo" for Super Boy and I. It was the first time I've used photoshop in years and I really am just proud on myself! Consider it this week's Moment of Joy!

What is Criminological Theory and Why Does it Matter?

So the semester has started up again, and so has all the nonsense. Toad is being Toad, bragging about a "grant" that isn't all that much to brag about, because I doubt the existence any such thing. And, of course, professors are being professors, adding "last minute" books that we need for yesterday ( and are hundreds of dollars to boot) and handing out syllabi that make no sense (there are only 14 weeks in a semester). So the typically stress has started up again, and the petty annoyances are just that: petty and annoying. In the end, I'll laugh, I'll cry, I'll freak out and I'll work my butt off. And I'll be fine after all.

Obviously, grad school is very different from college, and a PhD program is going to be different from a master's program. But in the end, the subject matter is the same: criminal justice is the study of crime and practitioners in the field, and criminology is the study of the causes of crime. This is an oversimplification; the real definition is amorphous and intricate and there is no one right answer, making it a bit difficult to explain to the layman (or just wrap your head around in general). I have this problem with my family and friends quite often, particularly my grandmother. She is thrilled to have a grandduaghter working towards a PhD, thrilled beyond belief. But she has no real understanding of the material, just a general sense of what I might be working on at any given time. And that is perfectly normal.

So why does theory matter? If it's so hard to pin point and there are so many conflicting views, then why bother? Well, in order to try and change crime, you need to know what causes it. For instance, let's say there is a burning building. You could just throw water on it and be done. But that might be a temporary fix; what caused the building to light on fire in the first place? What is the root cause? By identifying the cause of the fire, you know whether you have to shut of the gas lines, find an arsonist, or take that pack of matches from the toddler. You see? In order to fix a problem, you need to identify what's causing the problem.

If you think crime is caused by biological factors, then identifying a "crime gene" or medicating offenders will fix crime. If you think it is a matter of social inequalities an upheaval, then social programs and community involvement will stop crime. And if you think that crime is a function of the ruling class's oppression of the under class, then the redistribution of wealth and power within society is the answer. These are by no means the only theories out there, but I think it illustrates the point. If you want to change something, you need to know what needs to be fixed first.

If you are looking for books on criminological theory, I have two to recommend. The first is Cullen and Agnew's Criminological Theory: past to present. Unlike other tests that just summaries theories, this work offers the original articles that have become landmarks in the study of criminology. There is also a very handy grid in the first few The second is my personal favorite, Lilly, Cullen and Ball's Criminological Theory: Context and Consequence. Again, unlike other textbooks this work offers not just the theories, but the social, economic, political and cultural climate and changes that prompted new theories to develop. There are also discussions on whether these theories worked, and the long lasting effects of programs implemented on these recommendations. I personally felt that the chronological structure of this book, complete with the historical subtexts, gave me a greater understanding of where the theories came from and what they were a reaction to.

Theory may not be my favorite facet of my studies, but it's an important one. In order to understand where you are going, yo need to know what came before you. Happy theorizing!

Moment of Joy

I don't often have a lot of time to get creative, but when the mood strikes me I tend to craft at the speed of lightning. One afternoon, three projects. And I must say the process, from planning to finished product, is such a joy to me.

This is my second vintage mixed media collage, which I jokingly call my "Postcard from Africa."  Ironically, the day after I made this collage Super Boy and I made a day trip to the Philadelphia Zoo for an end of the holiday adventure (I get really depressed when school starts, so this was a real pick me up!). And what do we see running through an enclosure? Yup, the bird you see above. They are even more beautiful in person!

Also... happy birthday, Super Boy! I love you, endlessly...

Moment of Joy

My most recent attempt at "art." The Borders in town is going out of business (tear) and I picked up a vintage collage kit for a song. And here is my first endeavor with my new supplies. Roses and cheeky little birds. Two of my favorite things in the world. I can't help but smile!

Best "Frenemies"... the Story of Toad

I think It's about time I introduced you to Toad. Looking back at my first semester a grad student, I have to say that all of the students in the criminal justice department are really unpretentious and down to earth. Everyone seems ready to talk to you, offer bits of advice, give you encouragement and repeat the mantra I've come to internalize: "You'll worry and you'll work hard, but in the end it's really not that bad."

Everyone is, if a bit reserved and private at first, really quite friendly. That it, everyone but Toad. Imagine, if you will, that stereotypical student of the White Tower, all theory and name dropping and high and mighty opinions. That's Toad, very full of himself and very quick to toot his own horn. He is best described, I suppose as a "frenemy," someone who you are polite and friendly to but secretly hate their guts. He is never outright rude or condescending to anyone, but everything about his manner, and every word that comes out of his mouth, says otherwise.For instance, he recently got a 97/100 on a presentation (during which he stopped every three seconds to refer to some professor's assistance or flatter himself with false modesty) . He turns to me and says, "Oh, well, you know. Not too bad. I don't think there'll be any grades higher. No such thing as perfection." He says all of this, of course, just as I am about to get up an present. So, no pressure or anything.

I like to think I handled this very well. I nodded and made some kind of noncommittal noise in response. I then got up, gave me presentation (which I practiced with Super boy easily 10 times) and, lo and behold!, I am handed my rubric with a large 100/100 written on it with several glowing comments. Being the bigger person, I put the paper in my purse and didn't say anything about it to anyone, but in my head I was whooping with joy.

This is just one example of his behavior. Apparently, I am not the only one to notice or be annoyed by this constant barage of offhanded compliments/insults. Others have approached me with similar gripes; in fact, one of these conversations lead to Toad's epithet. A few fellow disgruntled grad students, all fed up with his references to "Dr. So-and So" and "special projects" and "independent research," tried to analyze the root of this behavior. One student put it brilliantly, referring to a species of toad in his native country; this toad, rather puny and insignificant, will puff itself up and hiss when it feel threatened by another frog and predator.  Following this line of thought, Toad then resorts to rattling off achievements and acquaintances and projects on order to make himself feel bigger than he really is and superior to the rest of us. This is very likely the truth of the matter; while no one else is so vulgar as to list our distinctions, Toad is in a cohort of scholars that have Phi Kappa Phi memberships, Phi Beta Kappa distinctions, teaching assistantships, scholarships and advanced degrees.  Maybe he is inflating his ego to keep up.

I, however, have some worries. Despite knowing the likely reasons for his behavior (insecurity) I still wonder if he is in fact better than me. Do the professors really buy his brown-nosing? Do they see through his flattery, or are they taken in by it? Is he ahead of the game by befriending so many professors and committing himself to so many projects, or is he spreading himself thin to no avail? Will his plan to schmooze every he can really get him ahead?

I don't know. I'd like to think I can compete with him. I have awards. And memberships. And, out of the entire cohort, the department practically begged me to join this program. I was the chosen one. I was the first in their eyes. And yet... I never tell anyone this.  I don't make this sort of information public to my peers. The rest of us are honest in our fears, share our concerns, open in our weaknesses. But Toad never shows weakness. He makes himself bigger than the rest of us and, while I know it's a ruse, I'm still intimidated.

I just wish I knew why, and how I could make it stop.

Moment of Joy

To follow up with yesterday's video, here is another classic from the Muppets. I love Beaker. He actually reminds me a little of my dad, who happens to be a chemical engineer (but  he has better luck than Beaker and Professor Honeydew).

I think I'll be walking down the aisle to this...

Moment of Joy

Now this is quality entertainment! Brought to you by the Muppet's, an epic Moment of Joy! The perfect pick-me-up!

It can only get better from here...

So the year is off to a really rough start. There have been tensions between family members already, and we have already faced very sad events. For my part, I feel like hiding under my bed most days and pretending the world doesn't exist. The rest of the time I am pretty useless, dazedly walking around the apartment at a loss of what to do.

Much of my black mood springs from fear. Fear for the health and safety of my family. Fear for my own ability to cope with reality. Fear of future. And, probably most pressing at this particular moment, the fear or returning to grad school and criminology. I am not ready to return to the sniping and self-praise of some of my classmates, nor do I feel able to compete with the rest and succeed in my classes. The thought of returning there fills me with dread, and no amount of traveling back and forth between school and my home will make it any better. 

To make matters worse the holidays are over, which at once astounds me and depressed me. I love the Christmas season; it's my favorite time of year, and for it to be ending makes the rest of the years stretch out before as one desolate and bleak expanse.

My rock through all of this has been, of course, Super Boy. He is currently slogging through his first day back at school, and his absence is palpable. This entire break he has been at my side, encouraging me, comforting me, caring for me. I cannot function without him. He has been my strength for a long time; when he asked me to marry him, he began by acknowledging that there would be tough times in our future, be they grad school or other obstacles. But not matter what we'd face, we'd face it together and be there for each other through the good, bad or indifferent. He promised me his strength and his support, his care and his constancy. And that, I think, is the foundation of love.

I am very blessed to have him in my life. As for the rest, I have to have faith and hope in brighter things to come.

Moment of Joy

Now this is an oldie! Taken during a trip to the New York Botanical Gardens a few years ago, this miniature orange tree really caught my eye. Not only do those dew-kissed fruit look scrumptious (and boy, do they) there was something refreshing about them. Just the sight of them makes me feel clean and newly washed in sunshine and sweetness.

But I wax poetic. This picture reminds me of a my mom, dad and Super Boy, the freshness of all things green and growing, and God's promise to make all things new.

An uplifting and comforting thought, no?

Soothe the heart through the stomach...

So I recently experienced the loss of a very, very beloved pet and I can't handle it. I am in denial, I'm angry, and I'm absolutely shattered.

That said, I am trying very hard to keep myself busy and not dwell on sad things. One way I've tried to do keep myself going is cooking. I have always found cooking to be extremely enjoyable; I love the freedom and creativity of the process, especially when the results are good. So yesterday I endeavored to invent my own stir fry recipe from the things I had on hand and whatever I could pick up at the grocery store with minimal expense and ease.

The result is below, my very own Ginger Beef and Peanut Stir Fry. While the vegetables and meats can be varied at will, the sauce if what really brings the whole dish together. Super Boy and I really enjoyed making it together and, of course, devouring nearly the entire pan.

It may not make everything better, but I'd like to think that, in a small way, the heart can be soothed through the stomach. Prayer and faith can help, but love (in any form) is truly the strongest bond of all. 

Ginger Beef and Peanut Stir Fry
¾ lb. lean beef, thinly cut (leftovers work well)
1 tbs grated ginger 
2 tbs peanut butter
2 tbs soy sauce
1 tbs brown sugar, not packed
2 tbs olive oil (For sautéing)
2 carrots, chopped into sticks
1 zucchini, chopped into sticks
1 small onion, cut into large pieces
1 bell pepper, sliced into ribbons
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 can (small) beef/chicken/ vegetable broth
Dash pepper (go a little heavier if you like it) 
8 oz. angel hair, cooked
Chopped peanuts, for garnish
Directions

1. In a bowl, combine the broth, soy sauce, peanut butter, ginger, sugar and pepper until smooth; set aside
   
2.  In a large skillet or wok, stir-fry the beef, onion, carrots, zucchini, peppers, and garlic in oil for about 8 minutes or until meat is no longer pink. If using leftovers, add the already cooked beef to the pan halfway through the vegetable cooking time.
   
3. Stir the broth mixture and add to the pan. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 1-2 minutes or until thickened.
   
4. Add cooked noodles and toss until well mixed.
   

Notes: All of the ingredients in this recipe can be increased or omitted at will; it is very adaptable and can be altered to suit individual tastes. Vegetables can be improvised and changed at will. Just make sure everything gets cooked through.  Meats can also be substituted, just make sure they are well cooked accordingly.

Moment of Joy

This is a stained glass window from St. Margaret's Chapel in Edinburgh Castle. The chapel is the oldest structure in Edinburgh, a small one room building just big enough for the royal family to gather in prayer. I was struck at how beautiful the stained glass windows were, especially this one, but when I took the photo I didn't have high hopes of the dim lighting allowing me to get a good shot. Lo and behold! This picture turned out to be one of the iconic shots of my trip.

In addition to it's beauty, this image of St. Margaret seems to exude a sense of peace and calmness. Something I need right about now...

Moment of Joy

Actually, many moments of joy, all thanks to my sweet birdie.

Love you forever, Sammy bird.