(Merry) Moment of Joy

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone! I guess you can tell that I haven't been around the blog-o-sphere lately, but I'm back with this adorable holiday greeting from friends with fins. Wishing you and yours a happy and healthy holiday season...

It's a small world...

It's official... I'm going to Disney World! My family's group of twelve members of my family, including Super Boy, will be going for a week of fun, relaxation, good food and adventure. It's an absolute dream come true for me I've loved Disney World ever since I first went as a two-year old, and nothing has changed in the 21 years since then. For the first installment of get-ready-for-vacation videos, our hotel... the Polynesian!

Moment of Joy

I don't often have a lot of time to get creative, but when the mood strikes me I tend to craft at the speed of lightning. One afternoon, three projects. And I must say the process, from planning to finished product, is such a joy to me.

This is my second vintage mixed media collage, which I jokingly call my "Postcard from Africa."  Ironically, the day after I made this collage Super Boy and I made a day trip to the Philadelphia Zoo for an end of the holiday adventure (I get really depressed when school starts, so this was a real pick me up!). And what do we see running through an enclosure? Yup, the bird you see above. They are even more beautiful in person!

Also... happy birthday, Super Boy! I love you, endlessly...

It can only get better from here...

So the year is off to a really rough start. There have been tensions between family members already, and we have already faced very sad events. For my part, I feel like hiding under my bed most days and pretending the world doesn't exist. The rest of the time I am pretty useless, dazedly walking around the apartment at a loss of what to do.

Much of my black mood springs from fear. Fear for the health and safety of my family. Fear for my own ability to cope with reality. Fear of future. And, probably most pressing at this particular moment, the fear or returning to grad school and criminology. I am not ready to return to the sniping and self-praise of some of my classmates, nor do I feel able to compete with the rest and succeed in my classes. The thought of returning there fills me with dread, and no amount of traveling back and forth between school and my home will make it any better. 

To make matters worse the holidays are over, which at once astounds me and depressed me. I love the Christmas season; it's my favorite time of year, and for it to be ending makes the rest of the years stretch out before as one desolate and bleak expanse.

My rock through all of this has been, of course, Super Boy. He is currently slogging through his first day back at school, and his absence is palpable. This entire break he has been at my side, encouraging me, comforting me, caring for me. I cannot function without him. He has been my strength for a long time; when he asked me to marry him, he began by acknowledging that there would be tough times in our future, be they grad school or other obstacles. But not matter what we'd face, we'd face it together and be there for each other through the good, bad or indifferent. He promised me his strength and his support, his care and his constancy. And that, I think, is the foundation of love.

I am very blessed to have him in my life. As for the rest, I have to have faith and hope in brighter things to come.

The Prodigal Grad Student Returns

Finally! I am done for the semester! Yes, I know I have been very lax in updating, but never fear, you will get all kinds of insights and gossip on the world of the PhD student over the next few weeks. It's been a ride, and this is just the first pause I get before I plunge right back into it, a cycle that will repeat over and over again for at least 5 years.

But right now, I want to direct your attention to the bottom of this blog. See that "Let's Say Thanks" widget? It's a great program brought to you by the people of Xerox. The company has collected some great artwork from kids all across the country and they are turning them into postcards for the troops. They have a website outlining their project and a facebook group you can join, too. All you need to do is follow that widget to their homepage, where you too can send your own greetings and thanks to those who serve. Trust me; this is a great holiday treat for those who can't be home to celebrate with family and friends. So take a minute (even less, take 10 seconds) to send one to a stranger who cares for you and your freedom.

Isn't it time you care back? Send a "Let's Say Thanks" card.

All you need is love…

Nothing has changed. No new news about the graduate programs, no idea what I am going to do. I don't know what school I'll go to, where I'll live or what my next step is. I feel numbed. I am totally crushed. This is nothing like I imagined. I never thought I'd be so conflicted and confused; I was hoping it'll all just magically work out wonderfully and that would be the end of it.

If there's anything I hate, it's not having a plan.

So, because I can't deal with all of this right now, I have been spending my time doing… well, nothing really. I haven't been doing anything. I had a few days off from my internship (thank God for state holidays) and I have spent the time napping, watching TV and snacking. I probably now official classify as a vegetable, mostly likely a potato of the couch variety. But I only feel marginally guilty. I am sure I should be doing something productive, but I like naps so much better. And I have a wicked cold, so I really do need some rest.

But I did manage to rouse myself out of bed for Valentine's Day. Ok, so Super Boy prodded me along. He's much more romantic than I am; if I had my way, anyone who celebrated Valentine's Day would be boiled in their own champagne and buried with a long stem rose through their heart. But not Super Boy. He takes things seriously. A dozen and a half roses. Dinner at PF Chang's. A very sweet card. And, my personal favorite, an owl shaped bath mitt covered in hearts.

Bizarre? Yes. Perfect? You bet.

You see, I may not be a big fan of the whole Valentine's Day thing, but I needed it. In the middle of this grad school debacle I needed to be reminded that there are more important things in my life. And for someone who gets very wrapped up and consumed by things that can't be control, the reminder is a good thing.

What more do I really need? I've got Super Boy.