(Merry) Moment of Joy

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone! I guess you can tell that I haven't been around the blog-o-sphere lately, but I'm back with this adorable holiday greeting from friends with fins. Wishing you and yours a happy and healthy holiday season...

Small, Fuzzy Buddha

I'm not entirely sure what it is, but I admire it's zen. It's like a little monk, or a furry Buddha. I think he'd be a great family pet, or maybe more like a spiritual adviser. He just exudes inner peace...

Incidentally, the featured camelid at the end of this video is lovely. I'd love to knit a sweater from that fiber, but I feel like they'd object. Now if I made a sweater for them...



*UPDATE* Speaking of camelids... see that little guy at the end? The one who awkwardly face-plants into the ground? Yeah... that pretty much describes my first day back at grad school...

Go, Grandpa, Go!

The human spirit is an incredible thing. It survives and thrives through unimaginable horror, and yet in life you often see glimpses of triumph in tragedy. If you think  I am getting a little melodramatic, take a look at this video.

That sweet old man dancing to Gloria Gaynor with his grown grand-kids survived the Holocaust, and not only did he survive, he had a family who, many years later, joined him in a trip across Europe to visit camps and memorials.

And they danced.

Some critics have called this video offensive and disrespectful to the memory of these places. I disagree. In fact, I think this is a heartfelt, beautiful tribute to the joy of life, the power of faith and love, and the unconquerable human spirit...

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed 

my sackcloth and clothed me with joy..."   

Psalms, 30:11

What you need to know about your physician assistant student...

I'm fairly certain I've mentioned the Super Boy is studying to become a physician assistant but I never told you that he's a blogger, too. In fact, his blog on pre-physician assistant students has become quite popular in some circles!

While offering unique insights into the student experience, however, he has neglected to discuss what the experience is like for those around them, especially family and significant others. This, I feel, warrants some information,explanation and advice on my part, as I am very well aware how grueling this program can be...

You'll be alone even if you are sitting in the same room as your student. This might be the hardest part. A student can be so focused on their work for hours at a time, every night for weeks, until you might as well be in a room by yourself. You might also get more conversation by talking to yourself, too. I haven't found a good way to combat this feeling yet, but I think it's worth knowing about. The best advice I can offer on this point is to make sure our student sets aside some time for activities that you both enjoy and can participate in without thinking about your workloads. Quality time is scare, so use it wisely!

You'll be taken for granted, even if they don't mean to. I have seen Super Boy take a plate of dinner I'd spent hours making and start to tuck in without ever taking his eyes off of his computer screen and his radiology scans. He'll drop dirty scrubs and clothes and books all over the apartment I'd spent all day cleaning. And yeah, it makes me mad, but I know he doesn't mean to do it. His head is so full of pharmacology, H&P's,  and anatomy that he's drained at the end of the day and blind to a lot of the little things that are happening in the background. Try not to take it too personally, but gently point these things out if they are really bothering you.

Be patient and supportive with your student, but don't hesitate to give them a swift and loving kick in the pants if they start to get snippy with you or too critical of themselves. It takes a lot of faith to wade through all the dysfunction, and you need to be there to act as a guinea pig for their physical exams, quiz-masters for flashcards and general cheerleader when their spirits get down. But it's just as important they you do not let them take their frustration and anxiety out on you, and it's counter productive to let them beat up on themselves. Be firm, positive, honest and assure them that everything will be okay.

The good times will be really good. I know I might sound like this is a miserable, heartbreaking program, and some days it can be, but when things are good they are really good. For instance, when Super Boy and I were in Disney World, we were so deliriously happy and spent every moment together. The fact that the week was sandwiched between very busy weeks made it all the more special. You can expect every day to be a fairy tale, but the fairy tales you do have are extra sweet!

I hope this gives some comfort and insight to those who love physician assistant students, and who knows? Maybe I'll get Super Boy to be a guest blogger and offer his side of the story...

Feminism and Common Sense

Super Boy came home with an interesting story last night. During a lecture the presenter was drawing parallels between offering medical care to teenage boys and girls. Whereas a boy will give you barely audible one word answers, a teenage girl will not only tell you what hurts, but everything else that's happened in the last month!

This exaggeration provides a useful caricature; guys may say too little, and girls may say more than you need. And it was the effective use of generalization as a teaching tool that makes the comparison so resonant; I doubt anyone in the lecture will forget the examples given.

Not everyone, however, saw these generalizations in their intended light. One individual in particular took such offense that, after writing swear words all over her lecture notes, stormed out of the room an refused to return until the lecturer had left for the day. This whole show was done in the name of "feminism;" apparently, drawing a comparison between men and women was a slur against females in general, and was perceived as a great insult.

This is where I begin to question wisdom of letting beliefs grow so strong that they begin to cloud reason and common sense. I have strong beliefs, too. I think everybody does in some way. But I firmly believe that just because I feel a certain way about things that I have the right to rub anyone's nose in it. And that's what this girl did: she allowed her feelings about feminism overrule common manners such as paying attention in class and showing respect to professors. She even did herself a disservice in leaving a lecture and handicapping her education.

The moral I find in this story? Believe in what you think is right, be it regarding faith, politics or other hot topics. Stand up for your beliefs. But don't let them cloud your common sense.

War is not a game...

Super Boy and I had an argument last night, over something many might consider petty. It was about video games, which Super Boy has been exposed to from a young age and enjoys playing in moderation. I, on the other hand, never owned a video game until this year when Super Boy and I bought a Wii, and I don't necessarily see what the allure is. To make matters worse, we don't see eye-to-eye on what games we want in our home, specifically one called "Call of Duty 3."

This video game puts the player in the middle of WWII, sending them on missions with weapons and comrades and enemies and lots and lots of blood.  Unlike many anti-video game people, it's not the blood and violence of the video game I object to, but rather the subject matter: how can people profit off one of the bloodiest wars in human history? Why is WWII reduced to a video game?

And why are we as a society okay with this?

 War is often treated as something remote and sterile in video games, making it more fantasy and fiction than a harsh reality. In addition to treating war as a game, society uses days set aside for remembering veterans and offering thanks as excuses for shopping. Memorial Day? Veteran's Day? They are now more about retail than remembering.

Think about it: would we treat 9/11 in this way? Would our culture look at these video games the same way if you could play the first-person role of a terrorist, or a passenger on Flight 93? Would we be okay if  retail stores offer 9.11% off all patio furniture for three days only? If these suggestions offend you, good. They offend me, too. And the treatment of WWII or any war as a source of entertainment or commerce is no different. I think we need to get our priorities straight.

And, perhaps most important of all, you can't restart the game if you are killed in a real war, and nobody throws a sale in your honor.

What I've learned in grad school... so far

Summer has officially begun! Break out the margaritas, stuff the criminology books under the bed and let's head to the beach!

In all seriousness, it's been a long year, but I can honestly say that I have finished my first year of grad school and I did it well. I have, of course, learned a great deal about criminological theory, policing and statistics. But the greatest lessons I have learned have very little to do with academic.

So without further ado, the top three things I've learned in grad school:

3. When in doubt be vague. Didn't read that article? Didn't understand that last stats problem? Have no idea what your professor is asking you? Be vague. Start with "Well, there are several theories regarding that..." and end with "... but of course, there are different ways to see this." And if all else fails, smile blandly and say that you were wondering about that too, and what did the professor think about that? It just wasn't clear...

2. You can stand a lot more than you realize. From filthy roommates to 10 page papers weekly, you can get through a lot more dysfunction that you think. It takes planning, it takes patience, and it takes a whole lot of reminding yourself that everything works out in the end. This mantra, "everything will be okay," has kept me sane. And in the end, you actually get a lot more work done when you keep your eye on the big picture.

1. By far the most important thing I've learned in grad school... when it's done it's done. Like reminding yourself that everything works out in the end, letting go of perfection and instead focusing on getting things just done and done well enough is freeing. It's not about doing a job half way or not caring about assignments. Instead, it encourages getting things done, and done well, without going overboard and driving yourself nuts. And sometimes it's better to just finish a project than slave over it and worry.

It's been a long, stressful, busy year and I've busted my butt to get everything in order. But the greatest lesson of all is to trust in yourself, and trust in the higher powers in the world to get you through.

Love is in the Air

This week Super Boy and I will be together three years. And in a little more than two, we'll be getting married. I've done a bit more wedding research this weekend and I've come to the conclusion that weddings, like any family function, are political drama fests disguised as parties. Who gets to be a bridesmaid? Do I have to have Lady Diva (middle sister)? Do I have to invite Gavone (Diva's obnoxious boyfriend)? Can my cousins be his groomsmen? Can I put all the people I don't like at a table in the back?I know I'm going to have to give in a lot to keep the peace, and sometimes I'll have to grin and bear it when I'd really rather be screaming.

On the bright side, my mom and Weasel (youngest sister) are both very involved in the planning. So much so that I sometimes get phone calls from them telling me what they have decided my wedding will be like. So far velour tracksuits are the worst suggestion (I hope they were kidding) and a two week honeymoon to Disney World the best (although it looks my entire family will be joining Super Boy and I...).

What have I learned in the end? It's going to be a busy two years, and patience will be a virtue I must nurture. I'm sure I'll laugh about this in years to come...

PS- I designed the image above as a potential "wedding logo" for Super Boy and I. It was the first time I've used photoshop in years and I really am just proud on myself! Consider it this week's Moment of Joy!

It can only get better from here...

So the year is off to a really rough start. There have been tensions between family members already, and we have already faced very sad events. For my part, I feel like hiding under my bed most days and pretending the world doesn't exist. The rest of the time I am pretty useless, dazedly walking around the apartment at a loss of what to do.

Much of my black mood springs from fear. Fear for the health and safety of my family. Fear for my own ability to cope with reality. Fear of future. And, probably most pressing at this particular moment, the fear or returning to grad school and criminology. I am not ready to return to the sniping and self-praise of some of my classmates, nor do I feel able to compete with the rest and succeed in my classes. The thought of returning there fills me with dread, and no amount of traveling back and forth between school and my home will make it any better. 

To make matters worse the holidays are over, which at once astounds me and depressed me. I love the Christmas season; it's my favorite time of year, and for it to be ending makes the rest of the years stretch out before as one desolate and bleak expanse.

My rock through all of this has been, of course, Super Boy. He is currently slogging through his first day back at school, and his absence is palpable. This entire break he has been at my side, encouraging me, comforting me, caring for me. I cannot function without him. He has been my strength for a long time; when he asked me to marry him, he began by acknowledging that there would be tough times in our future, be they grad school or other obstacles. But not matter what we'd face, we'd face it together and be there for each other through the good, bad or indifferent. He promised me his strength and his support, his care and his constancy. And that, I think, is the foundation of love.

I am very blessed to have him in my life. As for the rest, I have to have faith and hope in brighter things to come.

Moment of Joy

Now this is an oldie! Taken during a trip to the New York Botanical Gardens a few years ago, this miniature orange tree really caught my eye. Not only do those dew-kissed fruit look scrumptious (and boy, do they) there was something refreshing about them. Just the sight of them makes me feel clean and newly washed in sunshine and sweetness.

But I wax poetic. This picture reminds me of a my mom, dad and Super Boy, the freshness of all things green and growing, and God's promise to make all things new.

An uplifting and comforting thought, no?

Soothe the heart through the stomach...

So I recently experienced the loss of a very, very beloved pet and I can't handle it. I am in denial, I'm angry, and I'm absolutely shattered.

That said, I am trying very hard to keep myself busy and not dwell on sad things. One way I've tried to do keep myself going is cooking. I have always found cooking to be extremely enjoyable; I love the freedom and creativity of the process, especially when the results are good. So yesterday I endeavored to invent my own stir fry recipe from the things I had on hand and whatever I could pick up at the grocery store with minimal expense and ease.

The result is below, my very own Ginger Beef and Peanut Stir Fry. While the vegetables and meats can be varied at will, the sauce if what really brings the whole dish together. Super Boy and I really enjoyed making it together and, of course, devouring nearly the entire pan.

It may not make everything better, but I'd like to think that, in a small way, the heart can be soothed through the stomach. Prayer and faith can help, but love (in any form) is truly the strongest bond of all. 

Ginger Beef and Peanut Stir Fry
¾ lb. lean beef, thinly cut (leftovers work well)
1 tbs grated ginger 
2 tbs peanut butter
2 tbs soy sauce
1 tbs brown sugar, not packed
2 tbs olive oil (For sautéing)
2 carrots, chopped into sticks
1 zucchini, chopped into sticks
1 small onion, cut into large pieces
1 bell pepper, sliced into ribbons
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 can (small) beef/chicken/ vegetable broth
Dash pepper (go a little heavier if you like it) 
8 oz. angel hair, cooked
Chopped peanuts, for garnish
Directions

1. In a bowl, combine the broth, soy sauce, peanut butter, ginger, sugar and pepper until smooth; set aside
   
2.  In a large skillet or wok, stir-fry the beef, onion, carrots, zucchini, peppers, and garlic in oil for about 8 minutes or until meat is no longer pink. If using leftovers, add the already cooked beef to the pan halfway through the vegetable cooking time.
   
3. Stir the broth mixture and add to the pan. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 1-2 minutes or until thickened.
   
4. Add cooked noodles and toss until well mixed.
   

Notes: All of the ingredients in this recipe can be increased or omitted at will; it is very adaptable and can be altered to suit individual tastes. Vegetables can be improvised and changed at will. Just make sure everything gets cooked through.  Meats can also be substituted, just make sure they are well cooked accordingly.

Moment of Joy

This is a stained glass window from St. Margaret's Chapel in Edinburgh Castle. The chapel is the oldest structure in Edinburgh, a small one room building just big enough for the royal family to gather in prayer. I was struck at how beautiful the stained glass windows were, especially this one, but when I took the photo I didn't have high hopes of the dim lighting allowing me to get a good shot. Lo and behold! This picture turned out to be one of the iconic shots of my trip.

In addition to it's beauty, this image of St. Margaret seems to exude a sense of peace and calmness. Something I need right about now...

Moment of Joy

Actually, many moments of joy, all thanks to my sweet birdie.

Love you forever, Sammy bird.

The Prodigal Grad Student Returns

Finally! I am done for the semester! Yes, I know I have been very lax in updating, but never fear, you will get all kinds of insights and gossip on the world of the PhD student over the next few weeks. It's been a ride, and this is just the first pause I get before I plunge right back into it, a cycle that will repeat over and over again for at least 5 years.

But right now, I want to direct your attention to the bottom of this blog. See that "Let's Say Thanks" widget? It's a great program brought to you by the people of Xerox. The company has collected some great artwork from kids all across the country and they are turning them into postcards for the troops. They have a website outlining their project and a facebook group you can join, too. All you need to do is follow that widget to their homepage, where you too can send your own greetings and thanks to those who serve. Trust me; this is a great holiday treat for those who can't be home to celebrate with family and friends. So take a minute (even less, take 10 seconds) to send one to a stranger who cares for you and your freedom.

Isn't it time you care back? Send a "Let's Say Thanks" card.

Soldiers harassed in Afghanistan…

… by roving packs of sheep and goats? Hey, it could be much worse…

…you could be this guy.

I came across these photos while doing some research for a paper (got to love the grad school workload). I guess everyone needs something to keep their spirits up, especially these guys. Seriously folks, say a prayer for our armed forces. They need love, too.

Also, send new boxer shorts.

Again, a failure of justice…

So the Lockerbie Bomber has been set free, all in the name of compassion. The Scottish courts say that the former Libyan intelligence officer is dying of prostate cancer, and with Ramadan approaching it would be a great show of mercy is they released him on compassionate grounds. Which I find incredibly ironic. Here is a man with absolutely no compassion and an absolute contempt for the sanctity of life… and the courts think that he deserves the mercy he'd never show to others. Now I hesitate to say that Hammurabi and his theory of "an eye for an eye" is really applicable in today's society… but should a punishment reflect the crime committed and the intent behind it? There are times to show mercy, and then there are times to recognize that the man is a terrorist who blew up a plane and the fact that he's dying a slow and painful death is probably divine justice.

Of course, there is always the argument that it is takes a bigger person to forgive those that do wrong to them, and many British don't think he's guilty in the first place (which I think is ridiculous, seeing as the Libyan government actually accepted responsibility and paid the families compensation). Even some of the victims' families, such as the British Rev. John Mosey, whose daughter Helga, 19, died in the attack, said Wednesday he would be glad to see al-Megrahi return home."It is right he should go home to die in dignity with his family. I believe it is our Christian duty to show mercy," he said. But forgiving someone shouldn't let them off the hook (and to be honest, the Scots can hold a grudge with the best of them).

Compassion maybe be a noble sentiment, but it doesn't translate well across cultures. In the West forgiveness and mercy is a great virtue; in Libya, this gesture will be seen as a great weakness and Abdel Baset al-Megrahi will be welcomed home as a hero regardless of very stern warnings from the US and Britain. The Libyans, and likely very many others across the world, will give lip service to the wishes of the West, note the very conspicuous silence from the Libyan government on the matter for fear of reprisal and losing their tenuous position as an up-and-coming nation. The government knows this issue requires extremely careful handling. But behind their hands they laugh. Petals are strewn before al-Megrahi's feet, flags waved in celebration and crowds flack to welcome him home in triumph.

And what about the other victims' families? Many of the passengers were Americans, and their loved ones aren't inclined to show compassion. "I'm totally against it. He murdered 270 people," said Paul Halsch of Perinton, New York, who lost his 31-year-old wife in the attack. "This might sound crude or blunt, but I want him returned from Scotland the same way my wife Lorraine was ... and that would be in a box."

Regardless of what the courts think "just," the question of what is "fair" remains. And we must ask ourselves how and when mercy and compassion can play a role in the criminal justice system, especially in cases of such extreme hate and cruelty.

For more from the AP News story, visit the below link.
http://www.optimum.net/News/AP/Article?articleId=599375&categoryId=22.

…as you love yourself

Super Boy and my mom, each on their own and without discussion between them, both commented on my "love your neighbor" post in their own ways. In the case of Super Boy, I offhandedly joked that the entire ordeal with Bam Bam and Sally the Slut, combined with the grad school saga, was making me depressed and old before my time.

And he agreed.

Super Boy agreed that I was depressed. And not just depressed, but entirely self loathing. How's that for brutally honest? He said that over the past month I have sunk into a funk; the more good news I get from schools (and the more options I suddenly have), the worse I feel. And no, the repetitive thumping doesn't help, either. But he does have a point. So did my mom. I mentioned my struggle with loving my current neighbor and she cut me off. She said to forget about the neighbors; I ought to spend more time trying to love myself.

Her exact words? "You have the self-esteem of a fruit fly."

Wow. Thanks, mom.

I know I'm a bit hard on myself. But I never thought about the second part of "love your neighbor as you love yourself" as all that important. I really think I have tunnel vision here. I can beat myself up all day when I say really unkind things about other people. And I feel like a really lousy person when I do, even if they bring it on themselves. But when I treat myself like crap? It's just another day in my world. And that isn't fair. If I should be nice to the people around me, I damn well better be nice to myself. And I am really going to try.

As for the "love your neighbor" bit? I wish I could say that progress has been made but… they got loud. Again. I got pissed. Again. Then the society of angry neighbors got pissed. And then the cops were called.

So, yeah. It could be going better. I guess Jesus will just have to give me a mulligan on this one.

Love your neighbor…

I rarely talk about religion, and with good reason. My mother always told me there are three things you never talk about in public: money, politics and religion. It's not a matter of having no opinion on the subject, or being ashamed of what you believe; my silence is a matter of self preservation. And, in a way, it makes me stronger and maybe even a little better as a person. Rather than spend time arguing with others and trying to make them see my side of things, I try listen to what others have to say regardless of whether or not I agree. Most of the time I nod and smile and move on. Sometimes I learn something. Regardless, I don't feel the need to push what I think is right onto others.

But the Lenten season has just started, and as a practicing Catholic (at least in theory) I am taking the time to reexamine my life and the way I live. So talking a little about religion is kind of required. There are a lot of aspects of religion I question, or just outright disagree with. I think that while God is infallible and always has a plan in mind, people definitely make mistakes. So while I have faith and believe in many things, I don't accept outright some of the Church's more modern teachings. I believe that Jesus had the right idea. God loves everyone, period. We are all made equal in His eyes. He is forgiving and never gives up on people. All in all, He's a pretty cool guy.

Anyway… I digress. Recently I have been considering one of the cornerstone tenants of the New Testament: "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." Simply speaking, treat those around you the way you want to be treated. I'm pretty sure I've been hearing that since Pre-K. But I will be the first to admit that I don't always follow it that closely. I have a short fuse and less-than-perfect people skills. I am not a big fan of humanity as a whole. People in large crowds can be incredibly stupid. One on one they can be just as bad. I have a low tolerance for idiocy.

My most recent and aggravating example of this is my interaction with Sally the Slut and my neighbor Bam Bam. Easy to love they are not. A few nights ago they woke me up not with sex but with conversation. A loud one. At 2 in the morning. I suppose I should be thankful considering their normal pursuits, but I had to be at my internship early the next morning and my nerves were worn thin to begin with. This was the last thing I needed. By 4 a.m. I hit my limit; I stomped down the stairs and knocked on Bam Bam's door. When he answered (in a revolting state of undress that is just too traumatizing to record here) he seemed angry at me, as if I were disturbing him rather than the other way around. After a short and sharp conversation I went back to bed. But it bothered me. True, they were in the wrong to act so selfishly at the expense of everyone else in the house, but did I do the right thing? Yes, it fixed the problem. But I think Jesus would have taken this in stride, maybe used a parable to get his point across rather than a scowl and sarcasm. So maybe I should try to be a bit more patient and a little more understanding of the people around me. And maybe I should forgive people, no matter how inconsiderate they are.

Then again, Jesus never had to live in a college dorm. Maybe if he did "love your neighbor" would have a few exceptions to the rule…